Sunday, June 19, 2011

Gay Scavenger Pride

From my little third-story window, I’m looking out on the Montrose and I’m declaring dibs on that corner over there for next weekend.

That one there. There, across the street. Don’t even think about trying to beat me to it next Sunday. I called it!

I’ve been doing these Day-After-Pride Scavenger Hunts for years, and dag nab it, that corner over there is mine next week for a reason.

Next Saturday night, you see, it’s the Gay Pride Parade in the Montrose area of Houston, and for us, that’s sort of like Christmas, Halloween, Valentine’s Day, and Thanksgiving, all rolled into one.

You know how they say that everyone is Irish for one day a year, come Saint Patrick’s Day? Gay Pride Weekend is sort of like that, only instead of Irishmen, it’s sodomites. Instead of green beer, it’s sodomy. And instead of bagpipes, it’s… Okay, it’s pretty much all sodomy, all the way down.

I mean, there’s a reason that Pride Parade happens the week after Father’s Day every year. After spending the previous week with you and Sis and Mom up in the suburbs, unwrapping ugly ties and packs of golf balls, Dad starts to remember why it is he spends the other 51 weekends a year sneaking off to the bars and clubs right around the corner from my house.