Saturday, January 4, 2014

A Christmas Reunion... of Sorts

I might have come across a bit crazy.

Maybe.

It occurs to me that I might have been well-advised to have just waited. Maybe not approached you and the kids while you were picking out your Christmas tree. Maybe not told you all of it right then.

Maybe not told you all of it at all. Ever.

And my speech might have been a bit… erratic, from too much allergy medication and those steroids they prescribe for the rash I get on my elbow, and you know how too much medication makes me talk in constant run-on sentences, and talking in constant run-on sentences might make anyone come across a bit crazy, right?

I also might have smelled like rancid meat. This was not my fault. I might tell you that story one day, too, but I didn’t on the day at the Christmas tree lot, and as it turns out, it was, you know, probably just as well.

You might think I looked like I was stalking you, kind of hiding like I was behind that tree. Watching you and the kids from across the lot. But I was not stalking you, and actually I was hiding because I didn’t want it to appear as though I were.

Maybe that plan kind of blew up in my face. I don’t know. Maybe you tell me.

Everything I remember about that day is dark green and grey.

But I do know it had to have been you who asked me. You must have asked me, “What’s been going on, Katy?”  You asked me, and so I told you.

Maybe I just should have said, “Not much, Dana.” 

Maybe that was the kind of answer you were looking for. But “Not much, Dana”  would not have been the truth, and so I told you the truth, and the truth involved you… kind of.

I told you the truth about Tarab. Now, Tarab is the panic-induced hallucination who comes in the night to crush the air from my lungs during bouts of sleep paralysis. And no, I did not have bouts of sleep paralysis back when I was with you, but that was because I was drunk and on drugs back when I was with you, and now I am not drunk or on drugs.

Well, I mean, yes, I was on drugs the day at the Christmas tree lot, when I was telling you this, but that’s different.

I told you what Tarab told me. I told you he told me I’m a maniac. Or, rather, in some possible future, I am like a Hitler or I am like a Pol Pot or I am like a Billy Ray Cyrus. I am so bad that people take notice, and they send signals back in time or somehow alter the past to prevent me from ever becoming this… this… this maniac that I might become.

I told you Tarab told me that they’re the ones who introduced us. Introduced you and me. Back in 2004, Dana. We did not know each other the first time through, but they brought you in when things got changed.

To domesticate me.

I am living the wrong life, Dana, is what I told you. They  derailed my real life to prevent me from living a real future that I’ll never live now.

So you might think that sounded crazy, that day at the Christmas tree lot, and I might even have agreed it sounded crazy – what Tarab said – but the thing is, what he said makes a lot of sense. What he said explains so damn much about everything that has happened since 2004.

Maybe Tarab will tell me more. Maybe I can find proof of all he’s saying – mistakes in the fabric of this fake life I am living.

I might have said too much, but you did ask.

And maybe – probably! – if I had not told you all of that, at the Christmas tree lot when I saw you that day, then Rachel never would have snapped this photograph of our happy surprise reunion.

And what a poorer parallel future that  might have been, not to have ever included this photograph: 


37 comments:

  1. A maniac stalker day tripping in a Christmas tree lot...

    Hunter S Thompson "then it got weird"

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    1. This whole thing sounds a lot worse than it was.

      Mistakes were made, probably. But Dana left with a Christmas tree, so it must not have been alll bad.

      Delete
  2. You know.....you can try to domesticate a wild animal, but some day you're going to back it into a corner and it's going to go native on your ass. Don't let them change you, fight the good fight!

    Also, the only thing that would have made that picture better would have been horrific sweaters. Probably wouldn't hurt to start packing some of those about for the next chance encounter? Just a thought?

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    1. The next "chance encounter"? Hell yeah!

      (I probably shouldn't make stalking jokes on the internet. I've heard this stuff can be used in court!)

      Delete
  3. You need to tell Tarab to be nicer to you. No one is or ever has been worse than Billy Ray Cyrus.
    Oh to revel in awkwardness, like living in an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, or me trying to think of a clever way to end this comment.

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    1. Anybody is allowed one big mistake in a lifetime. Cyrus is way past his allotment.

      Delete
  4. Lulz. The last time I hid from an ex to make sure I didn't look like I was stalking her thereby looking weird which made me look absolutely weird when she busted me was in a WalMarts. We almost physically bumped into each other TWICE as I absentmindedly wandered around.

    It was totally random but it freaked me out so bad because some part of me thought it looked wrong that I couldn't hardly breathe- much less talk.

    So, yeah I made a situation which should have been only maybe a little uncomfortable for both parties really creepy by trying to blend into the underwear section.

    Thank God it was the mens

    ReplyDelete
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    1. It's better to limit all sightings of exes to facebook, I think. There should maybe be a law.

      Every time I see my ex in real life, I end up walking away feeling even dumber than the previous time.

      Delete
  5. Katy. Like Walmart, Dana has managed to live quite nicely at the expense of those who made them.

    Fuck Dana and Walmart too!

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    1. Hey! That's my sister-in-law you're talking about!

      Yeah. Fuck 'em.

      Delete
  6. Not to comment on your photo, per se, but ever since I've been dumped by my lady I've been getting panic attacks at night and sleep paralysis on one occasion. I thought I was dying.

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    1. Meanwhile, Dana's eyes in close up frighten me.

      Delete
  7. When things are bad in my life, going to sleep is the worst part of the day for me. There's no way to hide from that feeling of lying there, waiting for sleep, with everything piling up on you...

    ...which is why I drank myself to sleep for sop many years.

    Apparently not an advisable way to keep the bad thoughts away, though.

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  8. Replies
    1. I know: Too easy of a target. But it's usually possible to see how weird what I'm trying to say is by how cheap my jokes are. Gotta keep it all in balance...

      Delete
  9. Dana did not look amused. Perhaps it was just the particular time that the photograph was snapped. Perhaps the slow shutter speed caught her after she quit smiling? I don't know. You tell me.

    I would not let it get you down. I never avoided my exes. If I saw them, I told them the straight truth... ALWAYS. It never phased me to do so one... little... bit. I didn't care if they liked it or not. Well, I did in a way because I still had love for them in my heart but I never let that stop me from telling them, even if they were with someone else. Of course, you know me after all these years. I say what I think and I think what I say and until I'm presented with evidence to the contrary, that's how it stays. That may not make me popular, but I get to maintain my integrity that way.

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    1. I can be a little crazy, so I can understand why someone might get a little nervous running into me, if they didn't know what to expect.

      I am 99% past her, so though, so she probably has nothing to worry about. Except, maybe on an occasional Saturday night at 2 am.

      Delete
  10. Even when you get a little surreal, your honesty never seems contrived.

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    1. Thanks. I didn't write the heart of this one particularly well. The idea of my having gotten off-track and living the wrong life is tough to hit at the correct angle.

      I'm going to take another crack at it in a couple weeks...

      Delete
  11. My ex, the one I dislike more than any of the rest, moved 3 blocks away from me without even knowing it. She also got a dog that looks like it could be my dog's twin because she always had an unnatural attachment to my dog and wanted to keep it when I broke things off.

    I'm just waiting for the day when we're out taking a walk, and my wife sees the strange lady walking my dog's twin, and she says, "That looks JUST like ours! I want to go see it!" so I can say, "No, you don't want to go near that animal. It's extremely aggressive and the last time I was near it it tried to bite me AND hump me."

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Haha... Aggressive and tried to hump you AND she has a dog, too.

      You know, my ex is going to talk bad about me and relish how bad I look regardless of what i do. I might as well give her something to talk about...

      Delete
  12. When I was younger, my sister and I had a guinea pig. My father found a snake outside and thought it would make an excellent pet once domesticated. One, summer's eve (?) the snake escaped and strangled our guinea pig and fled the crime scene. Whether that's what actually was the cause of the guinea pig's demise or it was a less macabre way of telling us both the guinea pig and snake had died upon living out their life cycle, I don't know. Anyway, there's probably some metaphor relating to something in this stupid guinea pig story, but I'm no good at analyzing the deeper meaning of things.

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    1. The guinea pig was meant for bigger things!

      Delete
  13. You know, I have long thought that I would like to meet you in person because you seem like a very interesting person who would be a good friend. I don't want to say that I'm reconsidering that exactly, but....

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    1. The vast majority of the time, I'm perfectly fine and not scary or dangerous at all.

      OK, maybe not VAST majority of the time.

      I'm definitely clinging to 51% of the time, though.

      Delete
  14. I think that none of us has fully lived until we've felt enough for another person in ways that we can use those feelings to justify pseudo-stalking said person. Not that I think you are a stalker at all... Sounds to me as if you handled the moment quite nicely. And really, what's so wrong with a smidge of crazy? I swear by it :)

    P.S. Yay! I can finally type in your comment box... I haven't been able to type in anyone's box in ages! Hmm, that didn't come out just right did it? Ha!

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    1. Glad to see you commenting again, Sherri. I will not take your comment as a double entendre.

      The thing with Dana is... I've always been able to talk myself out of any bad situation. If someone will just listen to me, I can usually find that common ground and explain myself. I can't with her. The more I talk and explain, the worse I end up looking. And I can't get that through my skull...

      Delete
    2. So then the question seems to be - does Dana need an explanation or do you feel compelled to give one?

      I have a person that makes my tongue twist and brain short circuit when I really need everything to work so I can think clearly and express what I mean without stumbling and fumbling and making things worse... and I almost always regret trying to make things better or different because I do nothing but create more muddled confusion...

      Delete
    3. Just be cool and mysterious. Keep 'em guessing.

      Delete
  15. Funny and awkward and weird all rolled into one. I had a Tarab when I lived in Paris the first time, when I was 20 years old. He was invisible, though. And didn't give me any kind of insights into my life or emotional state. Just pretty much scared the crap out of me. Hope your Tarab leaves you alone soon!

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    1. I am shocked by how many people have gone through this. Of course, I can short-circuit the whole thing by sleeping on my stomach. Which I do. Most of the time.

      Delete
  16. I almost wish my lovely (and dangerous) wife had that sleep paralysis thing. She thrashes and twitches in her sleep like a person being electrocuted, and sometimes has "dream fights" in which she's defending herself from muggers or monsters. A fourth degree black belt whose somnambulistic exploits involve punching and kicking can be a thrill to sleep with, lemme tell you. I used to talk in my sleep, I'm told, but since I haven't slept in seven years I think that's no longer a problem.

    And you could just as easily claim SHE was stalking YOU... how 'bout that for a possible explanation for this chance meeting?

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    1. It's probably based on similar... malfunctions.

      Your body is supposed to paralyze itself during REM sleep. When something goes wrong with that, you get either what happens to me or what happens to your wife. Your wife and I in the same bed would be a worst-case-scenario: Her beating me up in her sleep and me awake but unable to move to escape her.

      I'm not saying I've been in bed with your wife...

      Delete
  17. It needs to be said: Dana has great eyebrows. In this particular instance they did not serve her well. But still.

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    1. She and Angela both look as though I have just blown their minds...

      Delete
  18. And are her eyes really green like that?

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    1. She's got kind of a hazel thing going. They look really bright in that picture, though!

      Delete

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