Sunday, August 19, 2012

Let’s Make Lots of Money

The following is a speech I wrote for Dana, who is my wife. She read it at a fancy dinner that a law firm held in her honor after she had won a big case for them. Dana does not work for this law firm, normally. The law firm had only “rented her out,”  so to speak, so that maybe they could win a lot of money on this one case.

They won a lot of money on this one case!

Now, most days, Dana is way too smart a gal to ever dream of using my words. My words, after all, are unlikely to help a professional’s standing within the professional community. But Dana made an exception for this dinner because it seemed appropriate. She used my words.

She was the guest of honor and she used my words and these are the words she used:

Wow. I’d like to thank everybody at Godley & Creme, L.L.P. for this dinner, or for this dinner party, or for this… Hey, it’s a party, right? Are we having a party? [Applause]

It feels like a party. A celebration. A celebration of what we accomplished together these last few months. It is without a doubt the biggest party that anyone has ever thrown for me: It’s bigger than my wedding. It’s bigger than my quinceañera.

Still, I was talking to Sid a little while ago – and Sid, thank you for that beautiful introduction – and I said, I feel like we’re all sort of strangers here. A mutual desire for… a whole lot of money… [laughter and applause] brought us together, but I don’t know y’all. Y’all don’t know me.

And one thing most of y’all probably do not know about me – Sid knows this, but probably not most of you – is this: I almost came on board with Godley & Creme a few years back. I came this close. Didn’t I, Sid?

So I was thinking about this earlier tonight as I was talking with Sid, and I was running it through my head. And it reminded me of the story of Stalin and the Jews.

Do y’all know the story of Stalin and the Jews?

Well, grab another glass of wine. I’ll tell you. [Laughter.]

Joe had sort of a hate-hate
relationship with... people.
Y’all know about Josef Stalin, right? You went to elementary school before law school, some of you? Josef Stalin was this guy who was running things over in the Soviet Union during the thirties, during the forties, going into the nineteen fifties.

Now if Joe – I hope I can call him Joe – if Joe were alive today, here with us in the twenty-first century, we’d probably diagnose him with a few things. A few mental conditions. Like probably chronic narcissism. [Applause.] Maybe some sort of personality disorder. But definitely, we would diagnose him with paranoia.

Joe was one paranoid dude.

Joe hated just about everybody. He thought just about everybody was out to get him. And maybe they were. I forget how that goes: Are you still considered paranoid if they really are  out to get you?

Either way, Joe hated an awful lot of people, and one of the groups of people that he hated most of all was the Jews. The problem for Joe was, well, this was right after World War II, and it was considered bad form for world leaders to, you know… say, start rounding Jews up in trains.

So Joe had to be a little more careful than usual about this. Not much – he was  Joe Stalin, after all! – but he had to show a little tact. A teensy bit of finesse. By Joe standards.

He purged all of the Jews from the government, and then he started systematically going through and purging Jews from other spheres of Russian life: artists and scientists and influence-peddlers. You know… He did it all on the down-low and he did it well.

But here’s the thing:  Joe wanted a bomb. Joe wanted a really big bomb. A bomb like we over here in the United States had. If we had a bomb, Joe wanted a bomb. And it did not take long for Joe to figure something out: If he wanted a really big bomb like the United States had, he was going to have to buckle under and get himself a Jewish scientist or two.

Please consult Billy Joel
for a quick refresher on the Cold War.
Turns out, Joe’s desire for a really big bomb was strong. Even stronger than his hatred of Jews! So he went out and he got himself some of them Jews, and before he knew it, voila! Korea and Vietnam and the Berlin Wall and the Cuban Missile Crisis and “we didn’t start the fire!”  

Now, flash forward about fifty years and Yours Truly – by which I mean, me –  was about to get hired on by Godley & Creme. Do you remember that meeting, Sid? And I knew it was coming, and I knew the offer was about to come out of Sid’s mouth.

And before he could make the offer, I said this: “I just want you to know how much I love Godley & Creme and how much I respect your mission. Your values. You’re a politically and culturally conservative firm, and I am a politically and culturally conservative woman.[Applause.] You’re a Christian firm, and I am a Christian.”  [Applause.]

I said, “And I want this to be a long and a prosperous relationship and I do not want to play games or hide the ball with you. I do not want to be keeping secrets from you. So I’m going to lay it all out on the table and tell you up front, lest there be any misunderstanding.”

I said to Sid, “I am an out lesbian. I live with my gorgeous wife and our [at that time] two daughters, and I am so proud of them. My orientation does not affect my work. But I thought everybody should know what it is we’re getting into.”

And do you remember what you said to me, Sid? I remember! In fact, I have it written down right here.

You said, “Ms. Anders, I thank you for your honesty.”

And then you said, “And I thank God every day that I still live in a country where I am free to tell you that we here at Godley & Creme will never ignore the Lord’s word by knowingly associating with sodomites.”  Sodomites! “There is no professional goal, no case, and no client, so valuable as to justify risking one’s eternal soul.

You said, “We will unfortunately not be able to extend an offer to you and it solely because of what you have just told us.”

You remember that now, Sid?

So tonight, on this fantastic occasion that brought us all together to party, I just want to express how thrilled I am that Godley & Creme, just like Joe Stalin with those Jews, finally found something y’all desired so much that you were willing to risk your eternal souls to get it.

You want the bomb? You bring in the Jews!  You want to win that huge case? Then bring in the dykes!

Give yourselves a hand, Godley & Creme! [Scattered and tentative applause.]

You know, with so much bad stuff out there in the culture today, what you all do here is absolutely critical. I know your firm’s symbol is the wheel, but I like to think of y’all as… I don’t know, like a levy, maybe. A levy holding back the ocean of filth and sin and chaos.

Or a dam, maybe… or a levy, or…

I know! How about this? Godley & Creme, L.L.P. is a finger in the dike of the law! Do you like that image, Sid? I see my wife, Katy, likes that image. Take it, Sid. It’s yours… Put it there on the letterhead.

So thank you for tonight, everybody, and here’s to Stalin and the Jews building that really big bomb together! Good night!

91 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Thank you. I've always believed that when someone throws you a party, it is important to show the right amount of appreciation.

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  2. During that 4 years between 1945 and 1949 when America was the only country in the world to have nuclear weapons i wonder if any Russian citizens were saying to themselves: "Its strange that America is not destroying us the way that comrade Stalin would certainly be destroying them if the boot was on the other foot (so to speak), especially considering the fact that America and capitalism are supposed to be our greatest foes". That must have been so confusing and perplexing for the few "supposedly intelligent" Russians that were alive at that time.

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    1. Don't know. The Cold War had not really kicked in yet - and we'd been allies with the Soviets at the end of WW2, technically.

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  3. "GODLEY & CREME" are British, there-fore, they are, by definition, "DOG-SHIT" ! ! !.

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    1. I think you might be referring to the British prog-pop duo that coincidentally shared the same name as this law firm.

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  4. Katy, wanna` know the ultimate and indisputable meaning of the word "complacency" ! ?: America allowing Russia to aquire nuclear weapons (and there-by start the cold war). America should have done anything and everything (both fair means and foul) to ensure that NO OTHER COUNTRY ever aquired nuclear weapons, just think how much easier and nicer that would`ve made things for the next 10,000 years ! ! !.

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    1. But who would be financing our debt right now if we'd buried Asia in the fifties?

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  5. otis rampaging heterosexualityAugust 19, 2012 at 5:02 PM

    I must admit Dana does look stunningly gorgeous in that dress.

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    1. Dana always looks pretty damn good. In or out of it.

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  6. That's by far the best, and guaranteed most memorable, speech anyone in that room will ever experience. And I include any wedding or "I'm pregnant" or even if one of those people one time was filating Tony Robbins while he was doing his "walk on coals" thing. "Yeah, that best man speech was okay, but there was this time an honoree at our law firm made a speech about Stalin and her being a lesbian. It was the best."
    Love that. The inconsistency of bigotry is never more blatant and naked in the face of greed.

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    1. Why'd you have to go and put that image of Tony Robbins in my head?

      Thank you, though. I always like to watch people get uncomfortable, so I was glad I was there to see it!

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  7. Katy. I have huge tears spilling on my shirt front. You and Dana are my heroes.

    Strange what things religious bigots will sell their soul for. If memory serves me, our boy Judas might have been the first Christian to sell his soul for gold and lay the first brick. Judas set the trend and the Holy Roman Catholic Fucking Church built the Cathedral of Gold on that cornerstone.

    Might I borrow this from you and post it over to my place?

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    Replies
    1. Hi, Mooner... You are more than welcome to do with it what thou wilt!

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  8. SODOMITES!
    wild applause!!!

    "Godley and Creme" is the gayest law firm name ever ever ever.

    I mean, if cleanliness is next to Godely-ness, and the gays are the cleanest bitches I know, and Creme is a triple entendre, than- OBVIOUSLY these fuckers just are in denial. Done and Done.

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    1. Haha... I'll have Dana point that out if she ever gets the opportunity to speak before them again.

      Hey, it could happen!

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  9. Please tell me this really happened. Now, I have wanted many things in life, but never as much as I want this to be true. Oh please, make my life complete.

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    1. Haha... Thanks, Nellie!

      I have a fairly solid ability to offend people, but no opportunities to be heard by people worth offending.

      Dana, meanwhile, has plenty of people who will listen to her, but she's too nice.

      It is a rare day indeed when we can come together to insult the rich and the powerful. I wish I had been more sober when it happened so I could have appreciated it more!

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  10. "Financing OUR debt" ! ? ! ?, Katy Darlin` you dont seem to understand, i`m talking about America as THE one, THE only, THE greatest country in the world. Every other country in the world ain`t worth tuppence in comparison to the magnificence of America, why are you concerning yourself with any other countrys at all, for any reason ! ?. Sod Asia, sod everywhere else in the world, all that matters is America the beautiful, never forget that Katy, NEVER ! ! !.

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    1. You can't see me, but I am beating my chest and making ape sounds. "America: Ours is bigger than yours!"

      I'm eating a double cheeseburger out of pride.

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  11. Katy, you`re displaying an incredible naivety here (if you dont mind me saying so). Everyone knows that Russia, Stalin, and Communism have always been (and always will be) loathsome and hideous abominations (completely irrespective of whether it was the middle ages, 1946, 1965, or right now ! ! !). America should`ve literally destroyed the rest of the world in 1945, there-by making things perfect for every American citizen for the next 50,000 years. When you have the upper hand over your enemies you annihilate them with malice-a-fore-thought and extreme prejudice, you DO NOT let them off the hook there-by allowing them to re-group (as it were) and rise up against you in the future. America won the second world war but they should`ve won THE ENTIRE WORLD ! ! !.

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    1. That's pretty brilliant.

      Since only PEOPLE are communist (okay, people and ants), if we had just wiped out all of the people, then voila! No more communists!

      I don't see a downside to that logic.

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  12. I am too headachey to give this the comment it deserves, but suffice it to say that I am delighted, titillated, thrilled and exultant that this happened. And that you should probably hire yourself out to write come-backs for the victims of middle school bullies. The Katy Anders Anti-Bullying Program. In schools across the nation. It would be the most worthwhile expenditure of educational funds in recent years.

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    1. This idea could have legs... The Katy Anders Anti-Bullying Program: "We have ways of making your STOP bullying!"

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  13. Godley & Creme, L.L.P. ???? got a little 10cc in there for good measure??? (VBG)

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    1. Ha! Merely a coincidence that the firm shares a name with the old musical act!

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    2. Hi Katy...and I guess its a coincidence that there is no web presence of a law office by the name of Godley & Creme??? Not likely. Like most of your stuff, its a ruse. An entertaining ruse, so keep up the good work ;-)

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    3. BTW, saw you put me on probation. So much for free and open discourse.

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    4. Hi, DrBobNM!

      Couple things:

      1. All comments on this age go through moderation. Your comments go through the same process every other comment does...

      2. If you are asking whether I change names on this page to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent, ABSOLUTELY. This page is virtually Google-proof and for entertainment purposes only. If I find out people are betting on the outcomes, I'm going to kick some ass around here.

      3. Who told you this page had free and open discourse? I do not hold court in a democracy! This is a benign dictatorship, at best!

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    5. all very funny. "...Your comments go through the same process every other comment does..." It's just that my first post went up no problemo (instantaneous, I wasn't on your watch list at that point) But the subsequent replies were a different story. Anyway, I commend you for approving the exchange, and now its time for me to crawl back under my rock :-).

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    6. Haha... You are more than welcome to stick around and engage all you'd like! I would LOVE there to be more of a back and forth on ideas and issues.

      Once in a while, at least, I talk about actual controversial topics and NO ONE disagrees with me!

      The ONLY comments I would not approve are anonymous comments that are around-the-bend inappropriate.

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    7. one more thing (since you wanted exchange) before I head back to my rocky abode: you are very right about Stalin, and while he needed the Jewish brainpower, he also got some folks in the US to pay the ultimate price before their domestic program got off the ground, i.e. the Rosenbergs and their co-conspirators in the US. Have a good one.

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    8. Oh cool... Rosenbergs! There's a Leftist cause celebre. There are usually some folks wandering around here who would pick up on that and run with it.

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  14. I want to bugger Violet, that bird is fucking gorgeous.

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    1. I can't help but notice that you have deluged my site with a half dozen comments in the last ten minutes - only one of which I approved.

      Are you having some sort of medical emergency?

      Is there a rational explanation for these pathological threats of sodomy against my commenters?

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  15. Katy, Steve Prefontaine and Teddy Crescendo are obviously both genius's, you should feel honored that they are bestowing their wisdom onto this site ! ! !.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You can't swing a dead cat by the tail around here without hitting a genius or two...

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  16. a cheeky little gitAugust 20, 2012 at 5:43 PM

    Katy, i`ve a feeling that you might have approved two, i think Willy Jerk-Off and Johnny Concho are one and the same person.

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    1. I certainly will try harder not to make that mistake next time.

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  17. You are truly my hero, and I would kiss the toes on your feet. Not in a sexual way though. That would be inappropriate.

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    1. You straight folks and your creepy perversions!

      Non-sexual toe-kissing.... Write a funny blog, get the "This little piggy went to market" thing done to you...

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  18. jews are to stalin like

    a) Abortions are to the republican party
    b) Lesbians are to christian law firms
    c) Pedophiles are to the catholic church
    d) All of the above

    I never was too good at these...

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    Replies
    1. I'll bet that a GoodDog would be able to at least crack the logic behind his own analogy.

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  19. jervaise brooke hamsterAugust 20, 2012 at 8:45 PM

    Katy, just with regards to the "This little piggy went to market" thing, i wanted to remind you once again that i will go wee, wee, wee, all the way home if you dont do a tribute of some kind to Heather O`Rourke on this site sometime with-in the next couple of weeks.

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    1. The question of whether or not the tribute is forthcoming will have everyone on the edge of their seats for weeks!

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  20. If that's a picture of her, she's HOT! and BTW "We didn't start the fire" is the BEST thing to come out of the cold war!

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    1. Hey. Are you lookin' at my girl?

      I said are you lookin' at my girl?

      But yes, the Cold War was a small price to pay for "We Didn't Start the Fire". Just like American class divisions and the growing gap between the rich and the poor was a small price to pay for "Uptown Girl"...

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  21. jervaise brooke hamsterAugust 21, 2012 at 2:28 PM

    You mean there is a GENUINE possibility that you WILL be doing a tribute to Heather on this site sometime soon ! ? ! ?, Katy, i`m getting really excited ! ! !.

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    1. Anything could happen, I suppose. It's Wednesday night and I still don't know what this weekend's blog is going to be about...

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  22. Holy shit! I now have a girl-crush on your wife, and I'm as straight as they come. I would have given just about anything to have been there to see the looks on the faces of that crowd as they cycled from pleasure to dismay to confusion, and then to have bought Dana a bottle of champagne for having the brass balls to pull that speech off. Here's a toast to you for writing it.

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    1. Hi, Anne!

      The trick was (and I couldn't have pulled it off) to look entirely sincere the whole way through... Not angry, bitter, patronizing... Just sincere.

      Of course, that's the trick for a lot of tings, I guess.

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  23. the sayer of the truthAugust 22, 2012 at 10:50 AM

    Katy, just another of my random reminders. The 3 most loathsome and hideous "wolves in sheeps clothing" with-in American society are: Alcohol, Religion, and Sport. They are truly horrifying abominations and they must be completely eradicated with malice-a-fore-thought and extreme prejudice, never forget that little darlin`, alright ! ! !.

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    1. That completely blows my plans for this weekend to get drunk and go bolwing with the church bowling league, then.

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  24. Congratulations to Dana for a job well done in her victory and kudos to you for writing such an masterful speech!

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    Replies
    1. You know how the old saying goes: "Behind every successful woman is another woman, except not as photogenic and with a vindictive streak."

      I think that's how it goes...

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  25. the sayer of the truthAugust 23, 2012 at 9:04 AM

    Katy, i will not tolerate your flippant behaviour, i, the sayer of the truth, have bestowed my wisdom onto Katy Anders. Now, instead of being cheeky i think you should just absorb that wisdom withs thanks, whilst simultaneously being appreciative, compliant, and submissive ! ! !. I am the sayer of the truth, i see all, i know all, and i am the truth, the way, and the light ! ! !. Follow my instructions Katy and you will live to be 103.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What?! Now I am starting to rethink my decision to take your comments as seriously as I have been...

      First, not having to be submissive to a man is one of the best things about being a gay woman.

      And secondly, who the hell wants to live to be 103?

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  26. If I ever win a Pulitzer (which is bound to happen) will you write my acceptance speech? Please? This is just too good. Make sure you put lots of pauses for laughter in it, because I know it'll be a riot.

    Also, I see Colorado is one of the few states not listed for being able to fire someone for being gay. Look at us, making progress in the world.

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    Replies
    1. The upside of me writing THAT speech for you is, well, no one wins that award for fiction TWICE, so it doesn't matter much who you're alienating...

      I think in Colorado, the pot-to-oxygen ratio is all hinky, and it makes people tolerate weird stuff like queeritude more. Or else it makes people more intolerant of intolerance. Or...

      Or maybe it's because they shot Hunter Thompson's ashes into the sky in Colorado. Y'all have been breathing his remains for almost a decade now...

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  27. the sayer of the truthAugust 23, 2012 at 2:00 PM

    Its interesting Katy, i thought you might find the word "submissive" offensive, however i didn`t think you would be offended by me simply wishing you long life, your reaction there was a bit odd to say the least (and snotty, churlish, and stroppy, if you dont mind me saying so).

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    Replies
    1. Hey, a long life is a long life, but 103?

      Most days 31 seems about right.

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  28. Outstanding speech writing Katy. You sould take your act on the road. Or for you, underground. Sid needs to work on his definitions. As a Lesbian, you cannot be a sodomite. The only people I know who identify with sodomites are straight, married, Republician men. From what I read, a great deal of whom have served in Congress. Yes, your thesis is correct, love of money always brings enlightenment, of sorts.

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    1. I spoke at my grandfather's funeral a few years back. I got actual applause.

      A few weeks later, I spoke at a wedding. I bombed.

      I can be sort of hit or miss.

      Plus, I think my speech-writing for Bob Dole's 1996 Presidential campaign got me blackballed for life...

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    2. speaking at funerals is tough. I did 2 in 6 months. That should be enough for this lifetime. Speaking at weddings is tougher since the person in question is there and very much alive and staring at you. Political speech writing has to be a job for a crazy person. No matter what you are getting hate mail. Better off sticking with professional eulogy writer.

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    3. I had to do a toast at a wedding reception once, and talked to a priest friend of mine ahead of time.

      His only piece of advice? "Don't do it drunk." He oughta know - I figured he'd seen plenty go wrong over the years...

      I did it drunk.

      It went badly.

      I'm kind of a jerk, though.

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    4. My proudest public speaking moment was working in a joint rolling reference in my brother's euolgy. Our cousin snort laughed, his best friend choked and nearly fell out of his chair. The Baptist minister & my mother looked puzzled.

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  29. a puzzled little fartAugust 26, 2012 at 2:04 PM

    Katy, why did the site go on the semi-fritz for a couple of days, i was just wondering if there was a specific technical reason ?.

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    1. Yes, I switched over to a different template, and no one told me that it would not show up on phones or pads for several days.

      It's back now, though...

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  30. you see it is my curse to tell the ABSOLUTE TRUTH ! ! !August 26, 2012 at 2:10 PM

    Katy darlin`, i dont want to rain on your parade, but people always applaud any rubbish at funerals just to be polite ! ! !, weddings are a different matter entirely. By the way Katy, have you noticed that the first three letters of the word "funeral" is the word "fun" ! ! !, a bit of a bizarre contradiction in terms there (unless of course you hated the person who snuffed it ! ! !).

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    1. That was my line after that funeral: "I put the FUN in funeral!"

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  31. jervaise brooke hamsterAugust 26, 2012 at 2:35 PM

    Katy, i`m literally waiting with bated breath for your tribute to Heather O`Rourke, be sure to include lots of the pictures that were taken on the set of "Poltergeist III" in April, May, and June of 1987. I want to see lots of images of Heather by herself (obviously) but i`d also like to see the post peppered with those equally beautiful and charming images that were taken of Heather with her co-stars, Tom, Nancy, Lara, and Kip, especially where Nancy is cuddling and embracing Heather (its almost like they were mother and daughter), those pictures are so heart-rending and magical. Dont keep me waiting too much longer Katy, Heather is "MY LIFE" ! ! !.

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    1. It's kind of escalated into what could be a multi-year masterpiece of a project!

      Delete
  32. jimmie t. murakamiAugust 27, 2012 at 6:57 PM

    Katy, Jervaise Brooke Hamsters last four exclusively Heather O`Rourke oriented com-girl-ts have not been published, i just wondered why ?.

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    1. I am a spiteful and arbitrary god. My ways are mysterious.

      I thought we'd established that.

      For your forgetfulness, London shall burn to the ground. It's your fault.

      Delete
  33. Well Katy, are you going to publish those com-girl-ts or are you going to give a good explanation to "The Hamster" with regards to exactly why they weren`t published ?, which is it to be my girl ?.

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    1. They were incredibly irrelevant and off-topic.

      I have largely determined that any comments expressing an interest in sodomizing someone are not going to be published anymore.

      Delete
  34. Katy, i hadn`t forgotton that you are a spiteful and arbitrary god whose ways are mysterious, its just that i also keep remembering what a gorgeous sexy young girl you are as well, thats what keeps giving me false hope perhaps (with regards to your character and personality), the fact that i desperately want to bugger you senseless my dear ! ! !.

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  35. I suppose that if you are comparing the firm to STALIN and not HITLER, then Godwin's Law doesn't apply, huh?

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    1. Godwin's Law applies to Hitler analogies only.

      All OTHER analogies to assorted tyrants and dictators are valid.

      ...and also funny...

      Delete
  36. jimmie t. murakamiAugust 29, 2012 at 1:27 PM

    Katy, what about that recent com-girl-t where "The Hamster" impersonated you, it was hilarious and should`ve been published, you know that ! ! !.

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  37. 56% of your reader comments are from this asshole human garbage in England, not including the ones you have declined to publish.

    The question is, why do you let such evil and poison to exist and persist on your blog pages and in your life?!!!

    You should already be busy and exhausted with fighting the other evil and poison in your life. Therefore this leads me to conclude that you have yet to seriously and fundamentally fight any evil and poison in your life.

    Well, you can start tonight by going through your blogs here and deleting every single disgusting comment he had ever posted on your blog pages.

    Everything we do matters in our lives and in this world. You can not separate your online humanity from your real-life ones. We are what we are as human beings. The internet does not change or hide any of it, in fact, it magnifies it to the whole world and fossilize it for all eternity to come. What you let exist on your blog pages say more about who you are than who this British asshole is. After all, we all already know that he is one ugly bastard that does not deserve to live.

    But you, who are you making yourself to be in your life?

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    1. You think I might have an internet problem?

      Is that a medical opinion or just something you've picked up on the internet?

      The future of this blog is up in the air at all times. The future of ME is up in the air at all times.

      If you are in possession of more information than THAT, please let me in on what is going to happen next...

      ...because I'm having a hard time waiting for next season to find out!

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    2. What happens next is what you make of it, like everything else in your life!

      You can choose to leave these evil and poison behind, so to live a happy and fulfilling life, or you can choose to let them fester and destroy your life. You had quit smoking and drugs and drinking, therefore you can quit being a victim, being fearful of real world people and things, and being less than what you can and should be. You have held on to something and someone who are most important in your life, therefore you can learn to love them and trust them, and to sacrifice for them.

      None of these are beyond your comprehension. None of these are beyond your ability. But you have to act, now. Before life and everything important to you slips through your fingers, and can never be made whole again.

      Delete
  38. jervaise brooke hamsterAugust 30, 2012 at 8:02 AM

    If i`m honest, i actually fell about laughing when i read what "on5464" had written about me, i bet hes secretly in love with Heather O`Rourke as well ! ! !.

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  39. I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to report you to the Christian Right and I'm sure that Jesus won't let either of you into heaven after that. After all, they are the experts on how Jesus lived and how Jesus taught. Do you think Jesus would hang around gays or poor people or sick people? I'm pretty sure he'd want to end Social Security and Medicare from what they tell me... and probably kill the poor with assault rifles. After all, people who aren't rich aren't really even people.

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  40. Wow!
    Seriously.. thats just about the most kickass thing I have known to have happened in real life. To say that you guys are a positive force on this planet is a fucking understatement. You guys give me hope. You rock.. and everything.
    I won't be able to express my immense gratitude to you Katy, for merely letting your existence be known to me.
    Talk about epic-ness!

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    1. Thank you, Loafer. I always enjoy making people uncomfortable. if I can make people uncomfortable AND change the world for the better at the same time, it's a double win for me!

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  41. I am interested in what sort of feedback your wife received on the speech from her audience.

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    1. I remember that the second half of the dinner was a lot quieter than the first half...

      But she got some emails later on where employees of the firm said they hoped they hoped they would have done the same thing in her position. Being an inappropriate jerk is often admired in the legal community!

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