Saturday, April 19, 2014

The Lesbians Have Fled the Soup (POLL)

I’ve always wanted another name, different than the one I’ve got. As a kid, and growing up, and now, I’ve wondered a lot about Mom and Dad and about what made them go with… “Katy.”  

“Katy.”

I’ve got my problems, you see, and another name could have changed it all for me. Right up front. Right out of the starting gate, another name could have made me something… unforgettable. Something powerful. Something exotic, something that roared with strength and with meaning.

Like I could have been “Leija.”

“Ajala.”

“Bhoomi.”

I believe the right name can conjure spirits. The right name can open doors. It can seal and unseal fate. Me, I could have been… “Princess Anahita Autophagia Onassis XIV.”

Do you know who never gets turned down for a car loan? Princess Anahita Autophagia Onassis XIV, that’s who.

Now contrast that with Katy. Katy gets turned down for a car loan. Where I come from, Katy’s just a suburb full of assholes trying to get away from black people in 1982.  Katy’s that girl from eight grade Geometry class who you can’t quite place, but her name sounds vaguely familiar.

“Katy,”  that’s me, ever since Day One. Thanks, Mom and Dad!
But now we come to the internet, and the internet changes everything, dudn’t it? The internet’s the great equalizer. The land of second chances. The place where every kid has a nine-inch cock, a seven-figure income, and a one-eighty-five IQ. Shoot for the stars, buddy! Be anything you want to be.

Everybody knows that on the internet, nobody has to know you’re a Katy.

So when my time on the internet came, who did I choose to be? Who did I become on tumblr… and on google+… and on twitter… and on blogger… and even on yahoo?

“Katy.”

Not Leija. Not Ajala. Not Bhoomi. Not Princess Anahita Autophagia Onassis XIV.

Katy. 

So I am Katy, and though it is nice to meet you, “Katy”  does not tell you the whole story about me.

For three years and three months – since way, way back in January, 2011 – I have been synonymous (I think) with the name  “Lesbians in My Soup!”

“Lesbians in My Soup!”  Now that’sa name. It’s a little witty, a little edgy, and it sets the tone for the words I write here. For all these years, through thick and through thin, through double bigamy (all the way), through break-ups and crack-ups, through nightmares and assorted bullshit, when you thought Katy, you thought  “Lesbians in My Soup!”

And vice versa!

But that ends here and now. That’s all over. The lesbians are fleeing the soup.

This is my penultimate post at  “Lesbians in My Soup!”   and I think that means there’s only one more after this.

The next one will tell you where you can find me.

And where you can find me, well, that is sort of going to be up to you. All of you. You see, the slate has been wiped clean. The future is wide open. I can be anything now. I can be “Princess Anahita Autophagia Onassis XIV’s Left Nut” (although, honestly,  www.princessanahitaautophagiaonassisxivsleftnut.comblows as a domain name, so let’s not go that way).

What happens now is this:
  • I take your suggestions;
  •  Later this week, I put up a poll of my favorites;
  •  You vote; and
  • I find my new domain name.
“Lesbians in My Soup”  was a great name and a great place. For me, it has been its own little self-sustaining world, full of demons and exes and babies and gods.

The new place is going to be like “Lesbians in My Soup”  on bath salts.

You should come along.

Wanna take a ride?

69 comments:

  1. Hmmmm. . . first I have to say I am very glad to see you back. Now - I am rummaging in my mind for a name and coming up with nothing but used kleenex and costume jewelry. (Apologies to Kurt.) Other people will surely have grand ideas. I don't.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There are plenty of Vonnegut quotes that would make fantastic blog names.

      Incidentally, there DOES appear to be a blogger blog called "Used Kleenex and Costume Jewelry," but it hasn't been updated in like half a decade, so I consider it fair game.

      Delete
  2. Titanium Tarantulas and Tarab?

    Moderately Massive Memoirs?

    Bitchin' Belle Blasted?

    I'll think up some more when I've freed my brain from alliteration.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The great thing about alliterative titles is that you can have the visual of a single giant letter with the words branching off of it.

      Delete
  3. Is "Something Obscure but Witty" already taken?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, but - as with the "Used Kleenex and Costume jewelry" thing, it doesn't looks as though it gets updated very often: http://marclogan89.tumblr.com/

      Delete
  4. Wow me out! it's a twerking Jezebel

    sex sells - actions word are better for domain names - domain names don't have to be super short any more...

    Jezebelle is better than jezebel...

    * * Twisted Jezebelle
    * * Jezebelle's Bacon Bits
    * * Jezebelle Choking Chickens
    * Jezebelle's Goodstuff
    * Jezebelle's Demonic Infestation
    * Jezebelle's Magic Carpet
    Jezebelle's Concentration of Sin!
    Jezebelle the Sex Crazed Dog of Satan!
    Jaded Jezebelle
    Jezebelle Pure Butter
    Jezebelle's Belly Button
    Innocece Jezebelle
    Jezebelle's Cafe Inn

    combine some keywords stuff

    twisted, scrying, dancing, dazzling, twerking, banging, stripping, bouncing

    hussy, floozy, harlot, tart, naughty

    Thanks for the Sunday morning brain food

    Jezebelle - "The best bang since the Big One."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What you say is true. It is amazing how many of the google searches leading people to this current site involve the word, "lesbian."

      Something Jezebelle-related should definitely be a possibility, then.

      Something clit-related also seems like it would effective. Not sure how I could make that subtle, though...

      The only thing limiting me is terms of service.

      Delete
    2. some brilliant names from the past

      Pussy Galore
      Pussy Riot
      Honey Ryder
      Holly Goodhead

      Delete
    3. In the Bond films, were those supposed to be the real names of the women?

      I mean, he was a spy, and his name was pretty ordinary. But these women were supposedly using their real names and their names were things like "Holly Goodhead"?

      Were those supposed to be aliases or were they supposed to just be really exotic?

      Delete
    4. Back in the day, Bill and I play around with these keywords

      Painted Strumpets of Saladin!
      Temptresses of Seduction!
      Concubines of Satan!

      the SEO results was poor but it was a fun project

      Delete
    5. "Painted Strumpets of Saladin" would be a good name for some mundane household product. You know, like over the counter pain relievers or something. Just to jazz it up.

      Delete
    6. Those indeed were the names of Bond ladies. Bond I remember because I read the books so many times. Why, I don't know. It was typical of detective novels of that age but Ian Flemming was a little more bawdy with his names.

      Delete
    7. James Bond has never been my thing. I've seen more than a couple of the movies over the years, and it just doesn't do much for me.

      Those movies always make me think of macho dudes with hairy chests and Duran Duran songs... neither of which does much for me.

      Delete
  5. Are you really desirous of becoming a queen? The original Jezebel was a queen whose only crime was being a priestess of Astarte and being married to the wrong person.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do have a sweater with the words, "Queen of Everything" on it.

      "Astarte" is actually more my speed for names.

      The possibilities I've come up with so far are:

      *Fascist Dyke Motors (not sure if TOS will allow the slur)
      *PsychopompOms (or some variation thereon. "Psychopomp" is my favorite word in the English language, and this is a pun)

      Delete
  6. Replies
    1. Philip Pullman. Dana had those books lying around years ago, for the kids I guess, and I read them and liked them, but I don't remember much about them now. When nothing sticks, I assume it couldn't have been fantastic.

      The writer has some other stuff, though, including a non-fiction, anti-Christianity diatribe I've looked at but never read.

      Delete
  7. I don't have any creative suggestions, but as long as you keep posting pictures of nearly naked ladies, I suppose I'll keep a link to it.

    (But also keep writing some good shit too, OK?)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi, PDiddie! That last gif is just about my favorite ever. I could watch it for hours.

      The other gif I used here is of me as a kid.

      I tend to use more pics of semi-clad women than of me as a kid...

      Delete
  8. Replies
    1. Nice! It would go with my pajamas... but lesbians have to watch the way we use the word "scissor, so "rusty" is probably out.

      Delete
  9. That kid in gif is that you? She looks like you, cute and pretty.

    I am not good with name, I ran away from my blog one of the reasons it was becoming notorious. All words of India sucks, Indians suck, divorce , arranged marriage, mother-in-law, India sex everything landed in my blog. Made me feel like some sort self-help book hunter.


    I haven't heard about Tarab anywhere other than your blog. And easy to spell. Whatever name or phrase you go for, please keep it simple. Over use of articles and annotations may invite more copycats and misdirect your blog to something or someone else's.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The kid in the gif IS me, yes. You're the first one who noticed.

      I mean the gif of the kid eating the watermelon, not the gif of the woman walking.

      Come to think of it, that probably did not need to be clarified...

      Delete
    2. Hahaha. How did you make that gif? I did try to google for images with "don't look at me" " I am too wet" before I entered my comment . This is first victory in my life ever.

      I am very bad with faces and also navigation. I can't remember well and I usually give an embarrassed smile before people reintroduce themselves. I have even thought about going Chris Nolan's memento style with Polarid camera and marker not tatoo maybe tatoos as well.

      and about that ass gif, we have seen your aerola not ass right?

      Delete
    3. My brother sent me the gif a couple years back from some old family movie clip he had. He's much better at that sort of thing than I am.

      That ass is a few shades darker than mine. And also fuller.

      Delete
  10. What happened? Did I miss the reason for the change? I saw a post that was later removed. As someone saddled with the incredibly confusing and stupid moniker I chose because the image to me was "cute", I envy your change.
    How about something that came up on my blog recently, " Blasphemy Tease"? If you want good SEO, try "Cleaning Out the Uterus" or "What is Semen?" No, never mind scratch those last two.
    Pistol Pussy Anders
    Unnecessary Piercings
    Lips, Hips, or Finger Tips
    Unshaven (that URL is probably taken)
    Poisoned Secretions
    The Inner Loop (local Houston references get you local Houston readers)
    Breast Friends Forever (probably the name of a porno)
    If you're looking for a full name change, Salacious Higginbotham, III or Dame Fistington Weatherly.
    Don't listen to me, look at my dumb moniker, who would take my advice on naming?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "What is Semen?"

      I can't pay for my domain name. There's simply no way for me to do it, because google isn't overly consumer-friendly. So in anticipation of the impending disappearance of this site, I am opening shop elsewhere.

      It's an opportunity.

      An opportunity to start "What is semen?"

      You know, the downside of turning up on all those google searches is that none of those people ever stick around. I have a fairly google-friendly name right now, but I don't think ANY of those people who find me through "lesbian" or "pierced nipples" or "areola" searches ever even comment.

      Delete
  11. Whew I am glad I looked in I would hate to miss the last train out of town. By the way I am back. More later. I don't want to bore your readers with my mundane life

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bore my readers!

      I'm not really leaving. I just have to changed addresses, basically. I'll still be in the same neighborhood.

      Delete
    2. You know I will follow you through nuclear meltdowns and zombie attacks. I didnt know if you were being run out of town on a rail or if this was part of the 4 year molting cycle.

      Delete
    3. I can't renew the domain name because of technical problems. I am just using google's screw-up as an opportunity to start somewhere else.

      I also like to be chased across the net, as you are aware.

      So I'm losing the "Lesbians in My Soup," but I think I'm keeping the "Katy." And the face. Although it might be time to regenerate that, too.

      Delete
  12. Dear God. I may never soup again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The new digs will be at least as cool, though.

      Delete
  13. Our biggest and most lucrative search result, with a grand total of 26187 return searches, was "huge boobs." I don't even know what post it linked to or why, but that's where all the traffic comes from. So, you know, "Katy's Huge Boobs" is always an option. And the best part is that it would be a website devoted to you and all of your wacky friends. "Man, Tarab is such a huge boob."

    Take THAT, porn hungry dude randomly searching for jugs on the Internet! Womp womp!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm not sure how many random search porn addicts I have returning to my site after initially stumbling upon it. They've gotta be disappointed, right?

      Well, I do my gif of an ass in this one...

      The fact that my blog name has "lesbians" in it has been a big google search draw here. It's sort of amazing how many people google, "How do lesbians have sex?"

      Really.

      Delete
  14. Elastic Clitoris
    The Vulva of the Gods
    Areola Pizza
    Anti-Phallus
    Eggs Ovariesy (I really like this one)
    The Perfect Under-Boob
    Acid Fleshlight

    And now that I got that out of my system,

    Tarab & Co.
    Sanity Expiring
    Katie Anders; Soup Ninja
    Blueberry Flatulence (or whatever favorite flavor you might have. Unless it's chocolate.)

    I can't think of any more normal names.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha... Most of those could double as the name of my future rock band...

      Delete
  15. My wife used to work for the admissions department of a college and they would keep a folder of all the applicants that had crazy names. The one I remember the most was Empress The Aquarian. "The" was listed as her middle name. Her parents were also both listed as The Aquarian's. The dad had a crazy first name too that escapes me but her mom's first name was just Karen.

    I guess this means my only suggestions are "Empress The Aquarian" and "Karen The Aquarian". But Karen is so close to Katy that, if you go that route, you might as well go with "Katy The Aquarian".

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Empress The Aquarian was a family name, was it?

      I met a woman once (I believe she was transgender) whose name was Holy Mount Zion New Jerusalem.

      Delete
  16. I've got it. This is ground-breaking territory here. You ready? Here it is....

    Lesbians in my salad.

    Huh? Isn't that just clever?

    You can even add segments. Like the weekly "Tossed Salad" or "Undressing your Salad". You could even combine the two and go with something like "Lesbians Undressing and Tossing Salad"

    You can thank me later.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The upside is that it would be a google goldmine. Actually, the domain name might already be taken.

      I'm thinking of "Sexy Single Women Want to Meet You!"

      Delete
    2. Throw a "lesbian" in there just for good measure!
      "Sexy Single Lesbian Women Want to Meet You"

      I just like the word lesbian.

      Delete
    3. So does everyone who has ever done a google search, apparently.

      Delete
  17. Okay, admit it. I totally clicked on www.princessanahitaautophagiaonassisxivsleftnut.com

    Here's a few ideas:

    Lesbians on my Stoop
    Lesbians on my Sloop
    Lesbians in my Poop (yuck)
    Lesbians in my Coop
    Lesbians in my Jazz Group
    Lesbians in my Therapy Group

    Just throwing those out there for ya.

    - Jay

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is what happens when I try to get readers to do my work for me. Especially readers who happen to be bloggers also struggling with coming up with ideas of their own.

      Delete
  18. "Katy's Tarantula Motel"

    "Lezzabel Lounge"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Something tarantula related!

      Cool....

      Delete
  19. You could be flip mcfliperson. Oh dammit, that's me. Sh*t, I got nothing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MY flip mcfliperson would be facing the other way in the profile pic, though.

      Delete
  20. Lezzabel. Now that's stuck in my head :-P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He has coined yet another cool term, yes.

      Delete
  21. I don't care what you call yourself or your blobber, as long as you let me know where to go if I want to read your posts. Honest to the nearest Hooey God, I only drop by here once or twice a week because I'm so humbled by your ability to make complex, intriguing, gut-wrenching, hilarious, humiliating, terrifying stories sound run of the mill. I consider you one of the best writers I've had the privilege of reading, and I'm not just talking about fellow blogstars who consider themselves wordsmiths because Google or Word Press gave them a platform.

    You can call the blog "Katydiddles" and I'll still tune in for updates.

    And thanks for the watermelon vid... I love the "MINE!" glance over the shoulder... That look says, "Try to touch this and you're losin' fingers, asshole!"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Holy shit, Squat. Thank you!

      I love that quote as much as I loved watermelon as a kid...

      Delete
  22. Can I just say that when I first discovered your blog, I thought the name of it was pure ingenious? I was almost envious!!! Well, okay, I WAS. There are so many facets of you my dear. I wouldn't know where to begin or even try to suggest a name for your blog. But I do have one in mind if you'd like to alter it around……..

    "The Katydids Among Us"

    OR

    "The Attack of the Katydids"

    OR

    "Queen Katydid"

    ?

    No..?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've considered / am considering some variation on Katydid. My tumblr page was called "The KatyDid Knot" for a long time.

      I have this condition that makes me move sites every couple years, though, so my tumblr is "Fascist Dyke Motors" now.

      Delete
  23. The way I see it, all of us with "ordinary" names will be one of a kind in about 20 years. My name's Steve, not very abstract. But nowadays, no one is naming their children Steve or Sarah or Samantha. They're more fond of Aiden or Raiden or Braydon of Cayden or Maiden. Our names are going to be one-of-a-kind once the rest of the Steves and Katys expire.

    Anyway, here are some random blog titles, none of which will make sense. Here I go:

    Sandful of Hands
    I Asked for Medium-Rare
    Tarab-ulous and The Basket of Finger Nails
    There's A Snake in My Cooch (Sorry)
    Crotch Circles (Sorry, again)
    Katy-ac Arrest (Sorry. Wait, no. I think this one's clever)

    Bah, I give up. I'm pretty terrible with coming up with names.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Man, people are coming up with long lists of weirdo cool stuff. I have no idea how I'm going to select which ones go in the poll...

      Delete
  24. I'm thinking... No, Katy is perfect.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am pretty much perfect. So nice of you to notice, because so few people do. Probably because most people are so imperfect...

      Delete
  25. that gif of you is the cutest, most adorablest thing ever.

    as far as the name goes: don't change it. seriously.

    but if you do change it, change it to lesbionics. just "lesbionics". i've always thought that the phrase "advanced lesbionics" was brilliant. did you come up with that? the domain "lesbionics.net" is available.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I didn't consciously get "lesbionics" from anywhere.

      I'm going to put variations on "Advanced Lesbionics" on my list of possibilities. I'd go with "Hooked on lesbionics" but I suspect some crazy anti-gay folks who stop by here might have a field day with it...

      Delete
  26. Thank Christ.
    I misread and thought that you were going to give up blogging.
    So this is a better day, again.
    (Scott)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Welcome, Scott!

      No, I'll always be blogging. The address will probably be different starting in a couple weeks is all.

      Delete
  27. And Lezabell Lounge rocks.
    (Scott)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It will be a choice on the poll I post this week!

      Delete
  28. Katy, I have a question. I take it that you want to make the name a domain name to protect it. Yes?
    I have a killer name or more accurately a phrase, that I believe trumps anything submitted so far, Kind of a {if you have low standards) literary play on words. You can play with the phrase and maybe come up with some better. I hate to be mysterious but I'd steal it from my self if I could write like you. For faster service, if you have a throwaway email address, post it here and I'll run it by you. Last, please don't disappear on me, like I have on you.
    Your oldest living fan,
    Frank Trigg

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. katydidknot@gmail.com

      Let me have a gander!

      Delete
  29. After such wonderful, strange, and fascinating blogs, I think you've earned Onassis.

    ReplyDelete

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