Monday, June 9, 2014

The Good Queer, Part 2

Some things you should know about me:

I have never worn my hair in a mullet.

I do not listen to the music of Tegan and Sara.

Sure, I own some flannel shirts, but I live in Houston, so they rarely get worn.

I do not view the continuing success of Ellen DeGeneres as a personal win for me in any way, shape, or form.

I have never accused anyone anywhere at any time of being “homophobic.”

I do not go to gay bars, I am not sexually promiscuous, and I was not abused as a child.

I always get my kids to school on time during the week and to church on time on the weekend.

Sometimes, just before I do something really stupid, I stop and I worry about whether what I am about to do will reflect badly on every other gay person on Earth.

For a long time now, I have worked to make it so that the only major difference between me and everyone else is that I happen to be attracted to people of the same sex. I have worked on this hoping that if I am ladylike and practical and soft-spoken, if I clean my fingernails and use rational arguments to support my beliefs and I don’t make any sudden movements, then I might be acceptable and accepted. I might, at the very least, be thought of as “one of the good ones.”  

What I learned over at the H.E.R.O. protest last month was this: To a lot of people, no matter what I do, I can never be anything other than a queer and a sodomite and a pervert.

I learned this from a minister, a man of God who was one of the people who had organized the protest.

While we spoke, the minister held a sign that said this: Homofascists in Action: Equal Rights Ord.

While we spoke – at that very same moment! – business leaders and pillars of the community and ordinary Houstonians of all shapes and sizes and backgrounds were inside City Hall, celebrating the actual passage of the Houston Equal Rights Ordinance. But I was not inside City Hall, celebrating. I was outside. I was trying to find some common ground with a man of God who could not see me as anything other than a queer and a sodomite and a pervert.

Why did I bother?

Why do I care?

Why should I be the Good Queer?

When I dream about my future, I dream of a life that is amazing and bizarre and completely unlike yours. I dream of pretzeling my brain into impossible shapes and going places you’re convinced do not exist. I dream of offending you.

Liking girls is the least offensive thing I dream about.

And so I am through with it. I am through with wasting my time. I am through debating with ministers about ambiguous passages in the Epistles of Paul. I am through with ministers entirely. I am through with trying to convince you that I am average. That I am normal. That I am just like you.

I am through being the Good Queer.

You should probably make sure your seatbelts are securely fastened. This could get pretty bumpy pretty quickly.

(to be continued…)

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“After five years of folly and weakness, miscalled politeness, tact, discretion, care for the feelings of others, I am weary of it. … I want none of your faint approval or faint dispraise.” – Aleister Crowley


50 comments:

  1. I'm more than a little excited by this.

    Jay

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi, Jay.

      I originally said I wanted "Fascist Dyke Motors" to be sort of like "Lesbians in My Soup" on bath salts.

      I need to follow through with that.

      Delete
    2. Are you affiliated at all with LiMS? I only just got here, but so far I dig your blog very much. =)

      Delete
    3. No way, those Lesbians in My Soup people were nuts!


      I'm kidding. That was mine, until my lack of understanding of domain names and Blogger conspired to make it into a ticking time bomb.

      Good to see you here, Danah!

      Delete
  2. I'm pretty much ready. Actually I think I have been for sometime. Some things surprise me (like that you would take kids to church) but little shocks me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Taking the kids to church was a condition of my child custody agreement.

      I'm not opposed to it anyway, but I always have that excuse to fall back on.

      Delete
  3. Whatever made you imagine that we expected conventional behaviour from you? Did the name of your blogs, past-past, past, and present, not tip us off?

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Hi, Bill! This is more of a concern in my daily life than my online life.

      Although I could afford to throw out some of the politeness and constraint online as well.

      Delete
  4. You ARE the Good Queer to someone. ;)

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    1. Now see, Cal, you have watched me and accepted me through MUCH worse behavior than merely having a girlfriend...

      Delete
    2. I'm very fond of your personality.

      Delete
    3. I like my personality about 50% of the time. The other 50%, well, it gets a little tough to live with myself.

      Delete
  5. I can't believe you don't live vicariously through the successes of Ellen. I love Ellen. She brings out the male lesbian in me... we're attracted to the same things. Rachel Maddow has the same effect.

    Can't wait for part III (or is it "C"?)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ellen gets brought up a lot in straight society, for some reason.

      If a relative finds out I am gay and wants me to know that they're okay with it, that's sort of their go-to compliment: "Oh! I love Ellen!"

      Delete
  6. By stopping the attempt to reason with bigots hiding behind their Bible, some would say that is what makes you the "good queer." You have a blog called "Fascist Dyke Motors," I think this declaration went without saying. Also, I'm a little old to have just learned this, but I just learned that "sodomy" includes oral sex. If someone is in a relationship and not a sodomite, that's a depressing relationship.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. There is a pitiful lack dearth of sodomy in my life.

      I'm sort of waiting to do that until I get the chance to rape some angels visiting my town. That's the way the people of Sodom did it, and why do things half-ass?

      Delete
    2. I haven't DONE anything yet.

      Delete
    3. Perhaps that's why...

      Delete
    4. 2015 is going to be my year!

      Delete
    5. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    6. It would be ridiculous for me to expect immediate results.

      Delete
    7. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    8. Who, Tarab?

      I'm not sure what he's going to do for me.

      He might be able to predict when the cool stuff happens, though.

      Delete
    9. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    10. I don't feel like I'm lacking in that department.

      I also don't know what that has to do with whether I am achieving personal goals.

      I'll consider it. But I've never been someone who felt some hole in my life that I think some other person can fill.

      Delete
  7. Goddamit, Katy! Why wasn't "Lesbians In My Soup On Bath Salts" one of the choices when we had a chance to vote!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If the past is any indication, we'll get another bite at the apple eventually.

      My sites typically only last a couple years.

      "...on Bath Salts" is sort of like "...with Zombies." It makes anything better.

      Delete
  8. Fox News won't tell me why. . . . . . Why do you want to destroy America?

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  9. I look forward to seeing the militant fascista come out in your posts ... drive that agenda, baby ...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. One of these days, I'm going to find a way to say something worth saying.

      Delete
  10. I had a mullet when I was in elementary school, my dad always buys me flannel jackets (even though I hate them) and I often have to go to gay bars to watch my brother-in-law perform with his band, so I guess that makes me more of a lesbian stereotype than you?

    I'm looking forward to the next part and seeing what replaces debating. Rap battle? Dance off? Roshambo?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Few people know that Madison originally proposed that the Chief Executive be selected by a dance-off. He changed his mind when he realized that John Adams' moves on the dance floor would have ruined anyone else's chances at the White House.

      I might just start writing dark fantasy stuff 24/7 instead of worrying about politics.

      Delete
    2. Few people know that not only could Martin Van Buren pop but he could also lock. Won him not just the VP seat but the presidency shortly after that.

      Aren't dark fantasy and politics the same thing? I'd choose dark fantasy though. Not just because of your talent for writing, but... less wrinkly old men trying to govern the Internet.

      Delete
    3. I prefer it because people can say what they mean.

      Cthulu never had to go through red tape and bureaucracy.

      Delete
  11. You go Katy!

    When we cleaned my brother's apartment after he died, we found a bible. Inscribed in it was something to the effect of " To Brian. The bible is now in your keeping. You are the last of us to survive." Apparently his group of friends passed the bible from person to person before they succumbed to AIDS. I know of at least 3 of his friends died that way. Who knows how many others it passed through?

    ReplyDelete
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    1. You know, I used to wonder what it would have been like to have known someone who was the last person to die of polio or small pox of something. How awful, you know?

      And with HIV, there is sort of one of those lines in the sand in about 1997. Not where there was a cure, but... if you or I got HIV right now, our life expectancy would probably not go down much, if at all.

      I don't know what year your brother passed, but the Bible story sounds like one of those amazing stories I hear about from before the medication changed.I never saw it, but people created their own myths and traditions to get through...

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    2. I guess my point was there is this huge group of people looking for a fight. Consider it the modern day Crusades. We all know what a huge success the first (and any subsequent versions) were.

      Brian was first diagnosed in the early 90s. He passed away 10 years ago. The disease had progressed too much for the new medicines to be of much help. His friend Orland died around 1998. He really was the last man standing. I should write a chapter about that time frame.

      Delete
    3. You DO need to write everything down. I always thought I'd remember everything, but, with time and stress and other crap, things fade. Even the big stuff.

      Delete
  12. Like it or not you're a pretty good person with or without regard to your gaydom.

    I would say that nothing you could say or do would make us stop liking you but I don't want you to say, Challenge. Accepted....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! or "I don't care what the hell you think."

      Whichever one works better for you.

      or worse for you, I mean.

      Delete
  13. A good friend of mine said it best. She said, "You know, we like to ‘pick & choose’ our sins. So I’d like to ask you, of the 613 Levitical sins, which one will you choose? We like to pick the top two and wave them in everybody’s face. At the end of the day, you have to answer to two people: yourself, and if you believe, 'God'."

    Never mind about the man of God who thinks you're perverted due to what his bible says.

    I remember when Arizona made the huge stink about having the right to turn down patrons they did not agree with (mainly for gays and lesbians). The worst part of it is, religion makes people ugly. And mind you, I love God with all that I have, but these types of people aren't of "god" -- they're not doing anything "godly" by refusing money from those who are gay and lesbian. The bill states that as long as they assert their religious beliefs, they are allowed to turn away those of the LGBT community.

    In the same breath, if I owned say, a bakery and a Satanist wanted me to make a cake with the devil on it… Honestly? I couldn't do it. So, in the same respect, I guess this "freedom of religion" a few months back, the "anti-gay" law does go against their religion, as well as my thoughts about plopping a devil's head onto a cake.

    I don't know - is that the same? I mean, it's kinda different, right? Gays and lesbians are PEOPLE too and many are religious at the same time. I just think this world's going to crap lately.

    I read part 1 as well. Glad I found you! I just got back from vacation and saw that you moved. :) Updated my links!

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    1. Glad you found me, deb!

      I'm not defending the public accommodations laws, really, but they SHOULDN'T reach something like your devil head example.

      They are supposed to cover "fungible" "widgets" - things that are interchangeable. Selling a hamburger or a shoe to a black guy is no different than selling one to a while guy.

      If it gets to specialized goods or performances, the public accommodations laws aren't supposed to cover it. So a Jewish singer doesn't have to put on a Christmas concert.

      And if the cake is ANY DIFFERENT AT ALL from what the baker normally makes, it shouldn't be covered.

      The biggest issue I have with the whole cake thing is that i don't see how selling someone a cake is endorsing the purpose to which they put the cake. If I sell someone a car and they use it to commit murder, or dishonor the Sabbath, or commit adultery in the back of it, it would be really a stretch to say I had endorsed those sins.

      I don't know. I think the intersection of law, faith and LGBT issues is the most delightful and challenging public social issue around right now.

      Delete
  14. No you're absolutely right. Put your feelings and heart aside and be a "businessman". But people are so incredibly passionate about their religious beliefs, that they incorporate into their everyday lives (which the Bible says to do of course) but when is there a line to be drawn? Even Jesus himself said to accept everyone and treat all as you would yourself - that all people are the images of Jesus - so when you treat them with respect regardless of how much you disagree with them, you are respecting Jesus by serving them.
    (OR ANY GOD you worship!) Just making Jesus as an example here……………

    But it's sad really, because it does boil down to race and LGBT issues. I was floored when they wanted to pass the bill of "freedom of religion" just so they can push away a few gay people who wanted "perverted" reasons to order a cake - even if it was just a cake with a design and nothing else.

    I don't know. I just wish everyone would just "be" and let "be" or "live and let live". Ugh, I'm starting to get cliche. A huge sign that I…should sign off.

    xo

    But I loved your two posts about this. So interesting, right?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Things get pretty heated and eventually, everyone ends up saying "it's the principle of the thing" instead of looking at each other like people.

      As silly and simplistic as it sounds, regarding others AS INDIVIDUALS FIRST rather than as outlets for rules and principles makes a lot of the problems go away for me.

      Delete
  15. Katy, you're one of the reasons I started writing again.
    Our styles are different. I don't know what mine is, but to me, yours is fresh, funny, thought-provoking and Empowering on all levels.
    I got lucky the day I ran across your work!
    Thanks, and CHEERS!

    (Scott)

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    Replies
    1. Hi, Scott! That makes me feel really good, that someone might have started writing again in part because of me...

      I've had to start writing more again, too. For a while, this blog was all I wrote. I was reading a lot, but not writing much, and I couldn't understand why it was getting harder and harder to write decent stuff.

      It turns out that the secret to writing for me is... writing.

      Delete
  16. It's very difficult for me to get back into it--and then edit.

    But honestly, although I'm not sure how eBooks work--perhaps through Kindle, etc., but I think you're on your way to At Least One best-seller, and probably more. You're a brilliant part of a fast-rising wave, and people would Love it!

    (Scott)

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    1. Editing is a huge problem for me, too. I take a while to write - I generally plan for a while and I take care with each sentence - but then i am done. It's almost impossible for me to go back and edit later on.

      This has led me to a place where I have several book-length manuscripts lying around gathering dust and badly needing a good edit.

      Delete

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