I would love to tell you, right at the top here, yeah, next year for me will be exotic and strange. That it will be filled with spaceships and travel and pussy. I would love to tell you that, but I believe – I really and deeply believe – that this would be telling only a half-truth.
As you know – as anyone knows if they’ve met me or if they’ve talked to me or if they’ve been around someone who has met me or talked to me – mostly this year was about selling my television pilot. There were meetings. Promises made. Rewrites and dead ends and promises broken.
I’ve worked and I’ve waited and I’ve been quite patient while other shows – lesser shows – got green lit, got produced, got premiered and then got cancelled less than six episodes in.
Five years of my life and I know how that sounds. Everyone says I should quit! Real blood. Real sweat. Real tears… and nothing but nothing to show.
But next year is the year.
Next year is really the year when Vagilante Justice comes to your t.v.
I am close, so close you would not believe me if I told you, but I am not there yet. I still need all the help you can muster.
So please tell your friends. Please tell your family. Tell your boss. Tell anyone who will listen about Vagilante Justice. Tell them it’s the perfect twist on the formulaic network crime drama.
Mystery and seduction. Crime and punishment. Fear and resolution. All in the space of one hour (or rather, forty-two minutes once you take out all the ads for erectile dysfunction and such).
Tell them it’s Law & Order meets Teeth (meets The Incredible Hulk meets Heartbreakers). Tell them “This Fall on CBS, Maddy Slaughter is taking a bite out of crime!”
You can even tell them Emma Roberts will be playing Maddy Slaughter because there’s a darn good chance that that is even true.
My vision for the series is so clear now. Not like before. It is precise. It is perfect. Each episode starts with a horrific crime. Dark alley leather gloves kind of a thing. A different generic American city landscape each week. And the victim is always blonde and the killer always impossible to identify in the night.
And the cops, they always know. Every time, they know. They say, “It’s Jimmy the Gimp done this!” or maybe “This is the m.o. of Johnny Ray Twotones,” but there is nothing that they can do beyond that, really.
Maybe they can find the guy but they can’t get the guy because (as the week’s lead detective inevitably says), “Criminal law in this town has got no teeth!”
Enter Maddy Slaughter.
Maddy Slaughter – once a fine and perfectly average young girl but for one thing – now roams the country from city to city to… what? She roams the country from city to city… solving crimes? in search of her mother’s killer? in search of a cure for her affliction? on the run?
All of the above? Hmm…
All of the above, I should think. Maddy Slaughter roams the country. From city to city. Solving random crimes. In search of the man who killed her mother. The man who is also the only one who can cure her affliction. And always just one step ahead of the FBI agent pursuing her.
You see, poor Maddy Slaughter’s got teeth in her vagina. Teeth in her hooha! Vagina dentata. A full set of chompers, in fact.
So with Vagilante Justice, you don’t just ask “Who dunnit?” but “How will Maddy seduce the baddy?” to boot. That’s something Law & Order never had. Two minutes ‘til credits and you get that look across the face of the killer. A look of shock a look of horror a look of pain.
Mystery and seduction. Crime and punishment. Fear and resolution. Maddy Slaughter is taking a bite out of crime. Again.
This shit writes itself and I bet we go sixteen seasons.
This is my life’s work. This is my labor of love. This is my contribution to the Universe. This is twenty-four fewer dicks in the world each season. This is not the stuff of legends but this is the stuff of cable t.v. marathons. This is Vagilante Justice and this is going to happen next year. I expect and I hope, anyway.
You can go and chew on that for a while…