Saturday, June 27, 2015

I, Rodham

A guest column by former Secretary of State, First Lady, and U.S. Senator Hillary Clinton.

My name is Hillary Clinton, and I have seen the way you look at me.

I have watched you watching me. I have gauged your body language and I have seen the way you glance around at the others in the room.

Don’t ask me how I’ve seen it. Just know that I have learned things. Things about you. Things about you that you might not know yourself, and things you might know – deep, deep down inside – but try to fool yourself about. Try to pretend that they’re not really things at all.

I have watched you watching me. And when I watch you, you look like how my husband, Bill, looked watching Star Wars prequels. You look like how Chelsea looked watching the final season of “The X Files.” Even me and how I looked watching the latest music video by Madonna.

My husband, you see, he really wanted to love those movies. He wanted to believe they were as good as the ones before. Even convinced himself of it, for a while. He was so… emotionally invested, you could say.

The creeping doubt – the tiniest of feelings that something might be wrong – he could not explain it. He could not put it into words. He pushed it aside. He thought that maybe no one else would notice something was sort of off with JarJar Binks.

But others did notice.

They always do notice, and even if they don’t know they know, they do.

Soulless inauthenticity eventually shows through.

So look, all you liberals. I know. I’ve watched you. I understand. I know you want to like me. You’re trying. You’re hoping! You’ve been hearing I’m unbeatable so long that you believe it.

And Ruth Bader Ginsburg is eighty-two years old.

Ruth. Bader. Ginsburg. Is. Eighty. Two. Years. Old.

But I have watched myself, and I know just who I am. I have watched you watching me, and I believe that you know, too.

I am Johnny Depp’s last six movies and the Rolling Stones’ last three albums. I’m your post-stroke grandpa you think might be getting better, after all.

But he is not getting better and neither am I. I have the soul of Al Gore, the swagger of John Kerry, and the populist appeal of Mitt Romney.

People notice. They always do notice, and even if they don’t know they know, they do.

You’re afraid to admit to yourself that you don’t like me. It’s not your imagination and before it is too late, you should admit it.

And Ruth Bader Ginsburg is eighty-two years old.

Ruth. Bader. Ginsburg. Is. Eighty. Two. Years. Old.
_______________________________________________
Hillary Clinton is recognized and beloved worldwide 
as the most presumptuous of presumptive nominees
for President. She is market-tested, poll-tested, and 
has hired all the best people for her current campaign.
You can support or volunteer for her campaign for 
President by going to https://www.hillaryclinton.com
or by emailing her on her private server. 
____________________________

46 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. First of all, I'm not responsible for what Ms. Clinton wrote here. I didn't edit her words.

      I usually vote Green for President. If Clinton is the nominee, it's a very good bet I will be again.

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    2. [NOTE: on5464, who is also responsible for most of the anonymous comments around here, deleted his entire history of comments throughout my old posts today(7/9/15) as punishment for my not responding to his insulting and often threatening emails.]

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    3. For someone to whom you are not talking, again, you sure do care about what he had said to you, huh?

      LOL, you are a pathetic fool, airing your stupid personal drama in public. Didn't he actually delete a bunch of your private emails that you published in the comments against his wishes, that had in fact detailed all the wrongs you had committed against him and how you had once apologized to him?

      Just a week ago on NPR News, Weekend Edition, Lynn Neary said something enlightening about the notable literary romances, that "Nobody fight this much, unless they are actually madly in love." You know what, here is the actual citation and the link to the whole report:

      "When it comes to the battle of wits they are equals. And so it's exciting, because you know they can each hold their own, and you know at some point they're going to realize that nobody fights this much unless they are actually madly in love," Sessarego says.

      http://www.npr.org/2015/06/27/417775406/alpha-beta-heathcliff-an-alphabet-of-romance-heroes

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  2. I liked this a lot. You really articulated that feeling. "I am Johnny Depp’s last six movies and the Rolling Stones’ last three albums. I’m your post-stroke grandpa you think might be getting better, after all." I want to like all of these things but in the end, all I can do is shake my head and dream of the potential that once was. Go...uh...Bernie Sanders, I guess? My god, his name is Bernie, I can't vote for someone named Bernie as much as I don't want to deal with another Clinton v. Bush situation. Screw it, I'm going third party.

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    1. I like Bernie Sanders. But I also liked Dennis Kucinich and Ralph Nader. Bernie sanders is not going to be the next President of the United States.

      Which is why the Democrats ought to really admit they have a Clinton problem and find someone who stands a chance of getting elected.... soon. Admitting you have a problem is the first step to, um... I don't remember how the saying goes. I think it involves alcohol.

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  3. Of course people don't like Hillary. She's very unlikable. She has no charm or warmth or charisma. BUT, if she's the nominee all she has to do is win the Al Gore states plus one more. Even little bitty New Hampshire will be enough. Bernie Sanders? He'll lose 35 states.

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    1. Right now, far as I can tell, the only thing the Democrats really have going for them for 2016 is... well, the Republicans running for President. If, say, Rick Santorum gets the nomination, somebody still has to win.

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  4. I could never vote for Hillary because of her desire to let children sue their parents. I would probably vote for Bill again if I could but he hit me pretty hard with those cuts to my Social Security. I may not vote at all this time since I'm becoming less and less convinced that our vote matters enough for us to waste the energy getting off of our couches. I'm pretty sure the vote goes to the highest bidder now.

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    1. Your time and votes are probably best spent on local elections. That's how the populist and prgressive movements gained so much traction 100+ years ago. Tea party, too, to some extent.

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  5. It's creepy how she watches/looks through people who may as well not be there, her bobble head just bobbling. Eventually the head will fall off.

    You were too kind.

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    1. I thought this approach was probably my best bet, given my audience.

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    2. I thought about that.

      On5464's comment suggests you were correct in your assumption.

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    3. Hillary Clinton For President [satire]

      This huge photo album was so good, Imgurians down voted it out of existance within 20 minutes - http://imgur.com/a/nrMPO

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  6. WOW! When you have guest bloggers you go for the gold! I so glad to hear she knows I don't like her and that it has nothing to do with me. Madame is trez trez plas-TEEK - which makes her electable, I guess. Bernie gets my vote but if it comes down to it, and to prevent another Bush from becoming Fearless Leader, I could hold my nose and vote for Hillary.
    "Sometimes that shark, he looks right into you. Right into your eyes. You know the thing about a shark, he's got... lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eye. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be livin'. Until he bites ya and those black eyes roll over white."

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    1. I believe that, since the Supreme Court decision happened, her people chose my site because of its radically gay name.

      After all, she has been a big supporter of gay rights for about two days. It happened right about the time the public opinion polls for gay rights went from 49.9% to 50.1%.

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  7. "Hillary Clinton makes me moist!" - Ruth Bader Ginsburg

    building a huge Hillary Clinton photo blog on Imgur. Not sure what I'm going to do with it... bbl

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    1. There are decades of pictures floating around out there.

      I/m always good with making fun of her, although some of the attacks veer into the misogynistic, which is not cool.

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    2. The definition of misogyny has changed to include all living breathing males

      Misogyny (/mɪˈsɒdʒɪni/) is the hatred or dislike of women or girls. According to feminist theory, misogyny can be manifested in numerous ways, including sexual discrimination, belittling of women, violence against women, and sexual objectification of women.

      A person who hates men can be described as a misandrist, and the corresponding noun is misandry. But however prevalent the attitudes described by these words may be, the words themselves aren't common. There are currently only 29 examples of misandrist in the Oxford English Corpus, while misogynist appears more than 1,500 times; 68 uses of misandry are overshadowed by over 2,000 examples of misogyny.

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    3. It seems like there are an awful lot of things to criticize President Obama and Hillary Clinton about. I never have to resort to their race or sex to do that.

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  8. She is pro-fracking. She was pro-invasion of Iraq. She was anti-gay marriage up to as recently as 2004. She is owned by Big Banking. If people won't vote for Bernie Sanders, America is screwed anyway and you might as well vote for Santorum.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. This situation right now is similar to 200. Then, you had a moderately conservative sitting Democratic President (Bill Clinton), with the prospect of another moderately conservative Democratic nominee (Gore).

      And liberals jumped ship to Nader and the Greens.

      I think the Dems are hoping that Bernie sanders sucks up those errant liberals this time for a while.

      It won't work on me. I won't vote for her - and neither will independents or young people.

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    2. So "the system" won't allow Sanders to win and no self-respecting democrat will vote for Clinton. Oops.

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    3. I vote Green.

      Like my old Green Party friend, Charlie Mauch, used to say while introducing himself at every single Harris County Green Party meeting: "I'm here because America needs a second party!"

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  9. Right now, far as I can tell, the only thing the Democrats really have going for them for 2016 is... well, the Republicans running for President.

    I'm so stealing that.

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    1. Take it! I almost included that line in the blog itself, except I was going to say, "In fact, the only thing I have going for me right now is these guys," and then have a picture of all the candidates.

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  10. Who is Ruth Allen Ginsburg? As for the Klingon, unleash your tarantulas on her.

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    1. Ginsburg is a Supreme Court Justice. The Supreme Court currently has three (and a half) guys who are a very specific kind of conservative. Not just political conservatives, but people that fancy themselves something called "strict constructionists," although that is a misnomer. If there were to be one more appointee of this type on the Court, we could see some very quick changes in the areas of civil rights, the right to an attorney, right to privacy, etc. It gets brought up a lot around Presidential elections, and to a degree, it's a legitimate concern

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    2. So is she on the liberal side? Don't they have retirement ages? In India Supreme Court judges retire at 65.

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    3. Yeah, she's an old civil rights attorney. No retirement age. FDR tried that and failed. 4 of the curent bunch are 75+. Justice William O. Douglas (my hero, by the way), 38 yrs into his term on the Court would show up in an oxygen mask, pushed in a wheelchair by his 25-year old wife. Death or good sense are the only two things that push them out.

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  11. Part of growing up is recognizing that all politicians, heroes. superheroes and saviours have feet of clay. Even Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Believe it. This doesn't mean we shouldn't support them but rather, we should just not be naive and keep our eyes open.

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    1. I agree, to some extent. And it's not MY vote I'm concerned about. I'm in Texas, where no Democratic candidate for statewide office (race in the state votes in) has won since 1996. The Democrat is not going to win Texas regardless.

      My concern is with independents and young people in other states. Obama won not because he got a bigger % of the black vote or the youth vote than John Kerry, but rather because more of them showed up to vote.

      Haha... I'm getting into the tall weeds about politics on my blog! This never happens here. Once every few years is okay, though, i guess...

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  12. And people wonder why I don't vote. Maybe because it's just more of the same. I'm glad you posted this, because I've been saying this too. And my hardcore Democrat friends always act like I'm delusional when I point this out. No one's wanted Hillary for years now. Years. Why do you suddenly want her now? Is taking your absolute last option to the prom still better than just not going to the prom?

    "Well, she has headgear, a lazy eye, and a back brace, but I'm still gettin' laid tonight in the back of this rental limo!"

    This is how you get another Bush in office. Is this what you want, people? God help us all if we ever have a president named "Jeb."

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    1. It reminds me of Nixon, really. I refuse to believe anyone actually liked Nixon, but he won twice - once with something like 75% of the vote.

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  13. Katy, you're not allowed to go all cynical on us, no matter how heartfelt the sentiment.

    Truth is, Bernie Sanders is electable. He's going to decimate others in debates, and when people get a look at a genuine populist standing next to cardboard cutouts posing as one, they'll know and notice the difference. Don't sell the man short. America is primed for a seismic sea change in our electoral politics.

    If the Repubs had ANYONE worth fearing in the general election, I'd have reservations about Sanders going the distance. But truth of it is, they're all such similarly flawed posers on the Pander Express it won't make any difference how much mud they sling at Bernie in the end.

    I'm one of those progressives who will vote for Hillary ONLY if it prevents the GOP from retaking control of the Oval Office. But it won't be a happy vote. There's no enthusiasm for her or her candidacy, and there's a vibe about Bernie's campaign that just might surprise the world before the dust settles.

    Like I said, don't sell him short.

    I never would have believed we'd be celebrating equal rights and a reaffirmation of the ACA this week. Something monumental is poised to happen.

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    1. I'm not convinced. However, I'd like to believe that could happen. Considering I generally vote for candidates who get about 2% of the vote in elections, that doesn't determine who I vote for.

      Eugene Debs once said, "It's better to vote for what you want and not get it than to vote for what you don't want and get it."

      This sentiment has helped me through plenty of times voting for a Green or even LIbertarian over a Democrat.

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    2. If the system wasn't utterly compromised, Sanders might have had a chance.

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    3. Bush v. Clinton.

      It makes sense. Since 1980, the Republicans have won 5/6 elections when a Bush was on the ticket, 0/3 without one.

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  14. Ruthie, as all her friends call her, is still hot for an old girl. I think she will try and outlive Scalito, the two headed monster, just for spite.
    Hilary is everything to everyone as much as she is nothing to anyone. I'm not going to get excited until about this time next year.

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    1. Clarence Thomas spoke to my school once, where he promised he would still be on the Court when we retired. Now, that's a few years beyond the life expectancy of his particular demographic, but who knows? He has better health care than the average African-American male.

      William Douglas was on the Court for 38 years, and John Paul Stevens was on the Court for something like 34.

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    1. Thank you! I stumble into political writing only grudgingly.

      Once a year. No more, no less.

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  16. I think Bill and me should have a Star Wars marathon. Afterward he could play his sax, and I could play my Euphonium in a jazz band.

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    1. So long as you're not playing old Fleetwood Mac songs, I'd be there, man!

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    2. HA! My sister has always had a crush on Stevie Nicks. She's alright, but her singing always gave me the impression she is related to a goat. ;-)

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