This was the week when I got divorced.
My divorce was a good thing. Well. Not actually a good thing. A necessary thing. There was nothing good about my divorce but it needed to happen and this week it happened and that, at least, is good, I guess.
My stupid, ill-conceived, ill-fated Double Bigamy (All the Way) scheme is over now. Five minutes alone in front of a judge is all it took. I am not a bigamist anymore and that is good, but still. I’m seeing an awful lot that seems bad about this divorce.
Harris County records will forever show that I divorced my best friend, Aesop, who deserved so much better in a fraudulent marriage. The judge leered down at me and put me under oath and I said, “This marriage has become insupportable due to discord or conflict of personalities that destroys the legitimate ends of the marital relationship and prevents any reasonable expectation of reconciliation.”
What a thing to say, right?
I’m not even sure those words mean anything but it’s like casting a spell, I suppose: You say X and then Y happens.
This was the week when Y happened. I got divorced.
After it happened, I sat on a bench in the hall outside the courtroom. I sat and I looked out a giant window, out east over Houston as far as it goes.
I guess it was east. It looked kind of fuzzy because of the crying.
The tears of guilt.
I’ve got this thing I do, you see, where I can walk away from something really terrible I’ve done – nasty, unforgivable, inhumane – and I’ll never think twice about it. It’s gone by morning. Poof! But something bad happens that’s not my fault and it haunts me on for decades.
I used to be a little girl, and back then I had this pygmy bunny whose name was Andy Quigley. Andy Quigley was blond and he was soft and he had a bit of a temper but he’d eat right out of my hand.
And looking back, it seems like Andy Quigley was around forever, but when I was ten, he died. Peacefully in his sleep, you’ll be happy to hear.
I was certain it was my fault. I knew it. I cried out, “I’m sorry, Andy!” while Dad buried him out next to the jungle gym in our back yard.
Dad explained to me that pygmy bunnies only live to be about three. Andy was eight! But that didn’t help. I was racked with guilt. I still am, really.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that my marriage to Aesop was Andy Quigley. The amazing part isn’t that they died but rather that they lived as long as they did.
Against all reason.
Beyond all blame.
So why did I feel so damn guilty?
I looked out over east Houston and I was still crying when my phone started buzzing. It was Aesop, who didn’t know today was the day.
“Katy, I’ve gotta come pick you up!” Aesop said.
He said, “There’s this guy down near League City who thinks he’s a physical manifestation of Vishnu. He’s got this tent set up and he’s shooting flowers and ash out of his hands! We’ve gotta go!”
I sniffled and I said, “Aes, I don’t want someone dancing on my skull right now.”
Aesop said, “No-no-no! You’re thinking of Kali. This is Vishnu! Completely different god.”
I sniffled again. Flowers and ash, huh?
“Stay where you are, Aes. I’ll come and get you.”
Someday, I’ll tell him this was the week when we got divorced. Someday when I’m feeling less guilty.
Not to be confused with Aesop's Fables, that's sometimthing entirely differently the same.ReplyDelete
Two pots, one of earthenware and the other of metal, that are being swept along a river. While the metal pot is willing that they should journey together, the clay pot hopes it will keep its distance for ‘Whether the wave crashes me into you or you into me, in either case I will be the only victim’. The moral drawn is that equal partnership is bestDelete
It's a good thing you cleared that up. I was going to ask how damn old you were! HahaDelete
Someday, I'll tell the amazing story of where the "Aesop" name comes from.Delete
You will dazzled and surprised.
Either way, someday I'm going to tell it and you read it and like it.
You didn't do it all by yourself, and if anyone blames you, they shouldn't.ReplyDelete
Far from blaming me, I don't believe anyone else cares.
I tend to overthink things.
You have some complicated relationships. It is possible to have intimate, insanely meaningful relationships without contracts and ceremonial commitments. Hold up, how do you know that Andy Quigly died peacefully in his sleep? Maybe, while you were asleep, the poor thing's insides liquified in an unimaginable torture that robbed Andy Quigly of his voice before he could beg to be put out of his misery. Trapped in a voiceless torture cycle as he watched himself die fluffy-tail to tip-of-ear. Nah, that'd be the thoughts of an asshole, best to think he went without a peep.ReplyDelete
Did, uh, did you see the ash and flowers useless X-man guy?
Too soon, Pickleope. It's only been 20 years.Delete
We did go see the flowers and ash guy. I've seen my share of roadside gurus and avatars, and I wouldn't put this one in my top five. Three years ago, we saw one that was shooting ash out of his wrists like Spiderman with his webbing.
personally, I don't care much for the guy. but then I'm a Lesbian too, so ....ReplyDelete
and thanks for the um .... tip. this may come in handyDelete
“This marriage has become insupportable due to discord or conflict of personalities that destroys the legitimate ends of the marital relationship and prevents any reasonable expectation of reconciliation.”
I think that might be statutory language for a no-fault divorce in Texas.
When people have a hard time getting through the sentence, the judge will simplify it to "Any chance y'all are gettin' back together?"
Up here in Tennessee we just say "I break with you, I break with you, I break with you" (three times is the key) and then we throw dog poop on the other person's shoes.Delete
Then we go out on the town and look for girls with dog poop on their shoes.
Lot less complicated here, I guess.
We try to keep things simple here, too, without those fancy forms and lawyers and book learnin'.Delete
But not when it comes to divorce. There has been a concerted effort here over the past few years to limit no-fault divorce. A few years back, there was a bill to extend the waiting period to finalize a divorce to 2 YEARS!
OK, this is weird. Yesterday (while you were building this post) I was searching the internets for rabbit stuff and Aesop's FablesReplyDelete
"But something bad happens that’s not my fault and it haunts me on for decades."
I have never been divorce. Married for 24 years... However; Back in the day, I was a red headed nerd and a few women would take advantage of my raging hormones. Sometimes, when I am drinking I recall the fable A Scorpion and a Frog
A scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the scorpion asks the frog to carry him across on its back. The frog asks, "How do I know you won't sting me?" The scorpion says, "Because if I do, I will die too." The frog is satisfied, and they set out, but in midstream, the scorpion stings the frog. The frog feels the onset of paralysis and starts to sink, knowing they both will drown, but has just enough time to gasp "Why?"
Replies the scorpion: "Its my nature..."
Rabbits Out of Balance
That is the valuable lesson, "People don't change."Delete
It should be the lesson of most stories.
Divorce is messy no matter the reasons..ReplyDelete
All things considered, mine was about as simple as you can get: Waiver default divorce, no property, no kids.Delete
I work in an office that does divorces (among other things) for people. It's amazing how deep the need for revenge can go for someone whose relationship broke up.
The wife and I* have decided that if things ever get bad, she's just going to stab me to death. It's much, much less messy and less costly than a divorce. Plus, it gives us incentive to really make things work.ReplyDelete
*she decided this
Also, if she happens to be Catholic, it would be easier getting back into the good graces of the Church if she kills you.Delete
You can be forgiven for murder. You can never really be a full member of the Church again if you divorce.
Always remember: Elliott Smith was found to have stabbed himself in the heart multiple times during an argument with his wife. Multiple times! Suicide, not murder.
Glad to see you're on the right side of the law again.ReplyDelete
Bwahaha. I am STILL unpunished for my crimes!Delete
You know when a marriage ends amicably, for most of us there is probably going to be some sadness, or guilt, or regret, if only over the disappointment of something not happening that you thought would, or an ending of something that means or once meant something or should have meant something. Maybe anger blocks out the sadness and disappointment and regret, and maybe people prefer that, so maybe sometimes they find reasons to be angry.ReplyDelete
I don't really know though; never been divorced (yet) so just speculating. I think I'd be more inclined to be sad, but I'm more the depressive sort anyway.
I'm going to have to divorce the other one, too... the one that was an actual marriage. I will probably feel worse then. This marriage stuff is awfully overrated for something that LGBt fought so hard for.Delete
We had a client at my office who was paid $10K about 25 years ago to marry a non-citizen. She took the money, used it for drugs, and then never filed the immigration paperwork.
Now she wants to divorce him (he's back in his country of origina). She asked us, after finding him on facebook, "He looks rich, Can I get half of what he's worth?"
Family law is fantastic.
"This marriage stuff is awfully overrated for something that LGBt fought so hard for."Delete
We tried to tell you!
That's colllege, sex, adulthood, marriage, and homeownership that have turned out to be disappointments now.Delete
Old age had better kick ass. I don't want to be disappointed again.
Red's father-in-law likes to say, "Old age is not for the faint of heart." Red tends to think that life is not for the faint of heart. When Red's grandmother was about 85 she told him, "Life never gets easier." Red just stopped listening to her shortly after that.Delete
My great-grandfather used to say that he'd liked every age he'd been. I belive HIS son disliked every age he'd been.Delete
I stay pretty happy. I've never had a job I didn't like.
I might be simple-minded. Ignorance is bliss!
Well, all I can say is that they're all the same god. Hinduism is a hardcore monotheistic religion, much more so than say Catholicism or the Eastern Orthodox Church...or Sufi Islam, come to that.ReplyDelete
All I remember from the little I studied Vedanta and Hinduism is that it's all atman in gods and people. Like tiny flames to a fire. It's tough to find a true polytheistic religion, which is why I prefer rock and roll.Delete
Since nobody else will say it I will, in the first photo your eyes look amazing. Not sure that is worth anything and really doesn't contribute to the conversation all that much, but it is true nonetheless.ReplyDelete
I think it contributes greatly to the conversaiton, Matt!Delete
See what happens when I talk about getting divorced? Suddenly, my eyes start looking amazing to guys!
hey, you will tell us about the manifestation of Vishnu, please! at least, if it turned out to be interesting.ReplyDelete
Hi, Dan! I haven't seen you around in a long time!Delete
This Vishnu wasn't very good. But Aesop sort of specializes in digging up these roadside tent gurus. The next time I go to one that's notable, I will blog about it.
"It's time to pray to my god."ReplyDelete
"Nothing. Vishnu with you?"
My wife has been divorced twice. So far.
There's still time for her to shoot higher.Delete
I had a friend whose mother had been married 23 times(!). I said, "She must have a scam going."
My friend said, "If she is running a scam, the scam sucks, because we're broke."
I hope your wife doesn't get divorced again.
I am sad BUT happy and relieved AND still mourning your divorce for you Katy.ReplyDelete
When my rabbit Babe died I screamed, Wake up Babe! And beat the side of his hutch. Then I shook his body and rubbed him while still begging him to awaken.
I cried 'til I puked.
Having a pet die is rough. I've got kids around, so that makes a dead pet even worse.
We had a mini-Treblinka here a few months back, with more tarantulas dying than I want to think about. Of course, I blame myself.
I realized tonight that as long as that picture is at the top of the page I'm in no hurry for a new post .
The look on your face and the happy contentedness in your eyes .
Hi, Glenn! Thanks.Delete
I am in a hurry for a new post, but it appears that it won't be happening today. My one-post-per-week rate of writing is pretty pitiful, but I'm not even managing that this week.
My ex-wife has since married three more times. I asked her why she keeps divorcing people, and she said she loves marriage so much she just has to keep doing it.ReplyDelete
My theory is, if you've divorced four times you might be the problem.
Judgmental, I know.
Like I told Jack Carter ... "ALL them women cannot be wrong, Jack!".Delete
If nothing else, if you're looking into the eyes of your soon-to-be FIFTH spouse and thinking, "This is forever!" then you are one hell of an optimist.Delete
Being the All-Pervading One, I feel as though your meeting with Vishnu was not coincidental. I hope you both consulted the "impostor" as to the reasoning for the subsequent relationship events.ReplyDelete
Someday, I'm going to find proof that one of these guys is legit. Someone really will be able to tell the future or talk to my dead Aunt Clara or levitate.Delete
It's just going to take me time to find him. or her. Probably her.