The Girl in Apartment 5

There’s a girl who lives next door and she does not know that I am in love with her.

To be honest, she does not know that I exist at all. I mean, I imagine that in theory, she has a tacit awareness that a person or persons occupy the townhouse next door to her, and everyone on the block has heard me trying to start my van in the mornings.

There’s a chance she has even seen me when I go out to check the mail or when I take a walk with the kids in the evenings. Yeah, maybe… Maybe she has seen me!

But she does not know me. If I ran into her at Kroger, for example, I would see no flash of recognition in her eyes.

So the girl who lives next door has absolutely no reason to suspect that I am in love with her.

Good Morning, Ms. Adri

From: Katy Anders [mailto:KatyDidKnot@gmail.com]

Sent: Tuesday, May 12, 2015 7:19 AM

To: Adri Anna Oopsy

Subject: RE: Quarterly Reports

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Good morning, Ms. Adri! I am writing to tell you that I am not coming in today.

So: I am not coming in today.

The Idiot's Guide to Fascist Dyke Motors

For more than four years, I have been telling you a story. It’s been a story about four people.

Very soon now, this story will be coming to an end. 

As we come into the home stretch, I thought it might be a good idea to review what has happened so far. You know, in case you have not been paying attention, or maybe you arrived late, or you have one of those degenerative brain diseases I keep hearing so much about.

So here we go! 

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Some Fine Legacy

I know I can be cynical and I can be negative, but the truth is, I love this city. I love Houston and I loved the last version of it, too. I even loved the version that we had before that.

You see, every few years here in Houston, we rip down the whole town. In its place, we build a new town entirely from scratch. Nothing remains except the potholes. What stood before is gone. Forgotten.

For us, this is an exciting process. It keeps us all on our toes.

Around here, a restaurant will boast “SERVING HOUSTON SINCE 2011!!!” on its marquee in bold letters with three exclamation points. An historical preservation district will consist of two old houses up on blocks in the middle of a sea of new construction townhomes.

Why, even as I write these words, right at this very moment, Houston is engaged in what might be our most ambitious project yet: We’re bulldozing everything within fifteen miles of downtown and replacing it with $1 million, three-and-a-half story townhomes and something called “luxury apartments.”