The Idiot's Guide to Fascist Dyke Motors

For more than four years, I have been telling you a story. It’s been a story about four people.

Very soon now, this story will be coming to an end. 

As we come into the home stretch, I thought it might be a good idea to review what has happened so far. You know, in case you have not been paying attention, or maybe you arrived late, or you have one of those degenerative brain diseases I keep hearing so much about.

So here we go! 

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I suppose the first person you should know about in this story is me, and I am Katy. Three things you should know about me are: 1) I write; 2) I live in Texas; and 3) I am gay but I don’t know why. (“Born This Way?!”)

That’s it for me.

A long time ago, I met Dana. (“Dana”)

Dana was really cool even though she was a lawyer. I talked her into going up north to one of those weird New England states that operate like Scandinavia so we could get married. She agreed.

We brought along my twin brother, Antony. Antony was gay, too, so he brought along my best friend, Aesop, and Aesop and Antony got married.

Then we all got our gay asses back to Texas.

Everything went great for a long time. Dana and I had a house and we had kids and all of the things married couples have and do. Then I got the idea for my Double Bigamy All the Way scheme. (“Double Bigamy (All the Way)”)

I married Aesop. Dana married Antony. We dared Texas Governor Rick Perry and then-Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott to arrest us for bigamy. They weren’t interested. (“Rick Perry’s Texas Will Not Defend Christian Family Values”)

We even went to the media! They weren’t interested, either. (“Interview with a Bigamist”)

One day, Dana took the kids and left me. (“Part 1: An Amicable Marooning”)

I did not know why. It made me sad and I went a little crazy for a while. (“Dear Dana”)

Finally, I figured out that Dana had left me because she and my brother were in love. (“Soap Opera”)

They got married, even though they already were married thanks to my Double Bigamy scheme. (“Pictures from a Wedding”)

Then Dana had a stroke. (“9 Mistakes (You Should Not Make)”)

Antony left her.

Oh, and she was pregnant at the time. (“Die Geheimschriften und die Dechiffrir-kunst”)

Even though Dana hated me and my abominations by then, I moved into her house to take care of her and the kids. (“A Story of Faith”)

I decided to get revenge on my brother for ruining everyone’s lives. (“The Other Other Other Cheek”)

I located him thanks to a brilliant idea I came up with involving blind spots. (“What’s in Your Head? (Part 1)” and “What’s in Your Head? (Part 2)”)

He was hiding in Omaha, living in a house that used to be owned by my family. (“Enemies List”)

I went to see him. (“Charles Bronson”)

The story of the four of us – me, my wife Dana, my twin brother/ Dana’s husband Antony, and my best friend/ my brother’s husband Aesop – is almost over. I hope that you have enjoyed the story so far.

Over the next few weeks, I also hope you enjoy reading the ending. It would really suck if you ended up feeling like you did when “The X-Files” ended, or like you felt when “LOST” ended.

I believe it will be wonderful and strange.

There will be snacks.