It occurs to me now that I definitely hold thin people to a higher standard than I hold fat people when it comes to… escalators.
Because when a fat person is ahead of me on an escalator and just stands there, refusing to budge and holding up the ascent of everyone else behind him, I just dismiss it as a side effect of his fatitude. “Oh, well. He’s enormous. He couldn’t possibly take a step UP!”
But if a thin person were to do the exact same thing, why, I would… I would…
Actually, I’d probably peer around him to check and make sure he wasn’t tremendously old, or disabled in some way.
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It turns out that the Giffords shooter out in Arizona was simply a creepy, mentally unbalanced wacko, unaffiliated with any group or school of thought.
Of course, this can only mean that the next couple of weeks are going to be even more awkward than usual for all of us creepy, mentally unbalanced wackos. Lots of unnecessary calls in to the FBI by the neighbors and so forth…
|Mug shot FAIL|
Why, oh why couldn’t the shooter have been the world’s #1 fan of the Ramones or a goddamn MORMON or something? Those Muslims seem to really be falling down on the job this year.
Anything that would allow the rest of us to lay the blame on some identifiable group of people publicly would suffice.
Thanks a lot, Loughner! Now I’m going to have to constantly secure alibis for my whereabouts…
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Can you see my heart bursting with pride as I type this?
All of us in the Anders household are especially proud right now. That’s because we have a new addition to our household: a female Oklahoma brown tarantula named Saint Athanasius.
Now, before you go feeling sorry for the tarantula, whining, “But Katy! She’ll never learn to respond to a name like ‘Athanasius’!” there are a couple things you probably ought to know.
First, best that all them scientist types can figure, tarantulas have no sense of hearing at all. As in, they have no organs with which to hear.
They can also only see what is less than half an inch in front of their eyes, can split wide open if they fall off a rock, and generally do not travel more than a couple feet from wherever they were born in their lifetime.
In fact, it’s safe to say that fundamentalist Christians really ought to latch on to tarantulas as the Achilles heel of the whole evolutionary “survival-of-the-fittest” theory.