I have been writing this blog for three and a quarter years now.
Do you have any idea how long that is? Can you even begin to wrap your tiny brain around just how old that makes “Lesbians in My Soup!”?
Three and a quarter years is longer than Jesus Christ’s ministry (and he never posted a single word!). It is longer than Kurt Cobain was famous. Three and a quarter years is longer than the lifespan of the American newt, and it is even longer than it took the ship to sink in that Titanic movie back in the Nineties (and I feature 100% less Celine Dion).
Why, this blog is 62 years old in blog years!
In these past three and a quarter years, I have written about all sorts of unseemly topics. Some of it was stuff you are not likely to find on other blogs. For example, I have written about:
During these past three and a quarter years, political bloggers have linked here only to soon be disappointed that I am not political enough (I have only mentioned President Obama once, and that was the time I demanded to see his balls. To date, he has not shown them to me).
Gay and lesbian bloggers have linked here only to soon be disappointed that I am not gay enough (I have actually posted twice about male genitalia, although admittedly I am counting the one about the President’s balls).
Mommy bloggers have linked here only to soon be disappointed that I post demands to see the President’s balls.
I do not know what this thing is, and I do not know why you people come here week after week to read my words – words which often come across like an amateurish, mutant hybrid of Yoda and The Cat in the Hat.
No, I don’t know why you people come here, but I am sure glad that you do.
In the weeks ahead, I might be shaking things up a little around here because it is time to shake things up a little around here. I might start throwing things at the wall to see what sticks and what oozes down to the floor.
So please, do tell me when you see something that sticks and when you see something that oozes down to the floor. I mean, this is a safe space: We’re all friends here, and we can be open and honest with each other.
Am I right?
I promise to try and keep things weird, but it has to be a group effort.
And now, in this new spirit of openness and honesty (and because I want to know how far Allen “GOODSTUFF” got in his reading), I give you a picture of me with a cat in a bathtub, with a hint of areola.
There is only one way to improve this blog: more guns. Other than that it is already perfect just as it is.ReplyDelete
Thanks. When the zombie invasion hits this end of the web, I'm really going to wish I'd taken more care to arm everyone.Delete
I write one of those political blogs you refer to. I linked to you the minute I discovered you -- and I will continue to do so. I don't really care whether you discuss politics or not. I just enjoy your writing, and your original (and sometimes bizarre) take on the world -- and I hope all my readers enjoy your writing also. You have broadened my horizons with your different and original views, and I suspect you would do the same for my readers.ReplyDelete
If I wasn't so pathologically lazy, I'd grab that quote up right now for that little box I have on the upper right-hand corner of my page!Delete
Of course, if I wasn't so pathologically lazy, I also might post 1/10th of the number of posts you manage each week. I post an average of once a week and it stresses me out. Then I go to feedly and see, "Oh look, Ted's posted 8 new stories since this afternoon!"
But you're still young and have a life, while I'm an old retired fart. That makes a big difference in the amount of time I can devote to blogging.Delete
P.S. - I loved the "hint of areola" (and yes, I am a dirty old man).
I almost posted this picture under another name a few weeks back. Newbusters (a really crazy right wing site) and a few other sites had launched a campaign against the NYT for a story it did about Jewish women with breast cancer.Delete
The complaint was that the Times had a picture with what the right wing media was calling "nipple top."
Now, I was not familiar with the term "nipple top," but it appears to be... areola.
I was obviously quite offended by this decision by the NYT, as I don't know how I'm going to explain to my kids that humans have areolas.
Still, the picture survived and I have a new term. "Nipple top."
That's a nice pussy you're showing there.ReplyDelete
Can't stand the mummy bloggers myself but I don't read them and for obvious reasons, they don't read me.
Tip: slather glue on things before flinging them at the wall. They stick better then.
I'm also thinking about ending every blog with a recipe and picture of what I'm having for dinner that night.Delete
I'm just not sure how compelling it would be after the fifth day of pictures of vodka and potato chips.
Are O La ! Is what they said in that far away land known as Nipple Top TejasReplyDelete
"it's the eyes" - Pinko the commie dog
Thinking about my blogging style. The magazine is looking more like a Facebook thing, which is not a good thing. However, the hits just keep coming.
Every time I depart from my normal format, the numbers drop in a big way. However, like you I am looking for another blogging road. One sure way to stir stuff up is to blog about political feminist. Sure to loose some followers but it's a hot topic right now.
Thanks very big! thinking about "nipple top" lead me to Tennessee Rocky Top, Memphis Blues... - what a great blogging idea! - check out the flick and the about - http://youtu.be/c3Ku97TZeOg
BTW - will be linking to this post (my Friday)
Adri once wrote a blog about Baldknobbers Jamboree Show in Branson, Missouri. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8jBS5XEbPE )Delete
That sounds pretty filthy, too. I didn't even thinking baldknobbing was legal in Missouri, but what do I know?
"Oh Lawd (pardon me as I fan myself whilst feigning having the vapors) a piece of the human anatomy that forces me to confront my own body issues! Why I do declare!"ReplyDelete
I hope you don't change too much, because the "amateurish, mutant hybrid of Yoda and The Cat in the Hat," is my dream blog.
It was your Mommy Blog experiment that gave me the courage to try and venture outside my own comfort zone. I'm thinking about posting mostly apologies for not posting more often and complaints about how badly my feet hurt.Delete
Except, you know... in a poetic and imaginative style..
Maybe it's because I'm not political, a mommy blogger, or have any gay tendencies that I'm willing to expound upon, that I find it interesting to keep stopping here. I was going to say comfortable, but that was entirely the wrong word.ReplyDelete
"Interesting" is definitely why I keep coming back.
Plus, while they're probably not as big a Obama's, I do have balls, and I just happen to also be a fan of areolas, which seem to be at least part of the criteria for the demographic. So, I'm in!
I think my issue with the President's genitalia might have been more metaphorical. You're clearly a manly man, what with the tractoring and such ("tractoring" is a verb, right?)...Delete
The overwhelming majority of people who stop by here are male. The women don't last very long. I don't know why that is. Maybe women just put up with less nonsense.
Tractoring is in my dictionary, so I'm good with that.Delete
Also, interestingly enough, the majority of people who stop by my blog are female. That too, is interesting.
I think it's because we're both damn near irresistible to the opposite sex.Delete
Which, as it turns out, would benefit you a lot more than me, unfortunately.
Serious question: who takes these pictures? Many of the photos you post on this blog are really amazing.ReplyDelete
Thanks! A disproportionate number of the pics I use are selfies. If I look happy in one, though, it was probably taken by Doctor Belloq,...Delete
yet another of her amazing abilities.......ReplyDelete
I can also do THIS!Delete
I know you can't see what I'm doing, but you should take my word for it that it is REALLY impressive!
We're about to have our 3 year blog anniversary. We had planned on showing our areolas but now I guess we'll have to come up with something else.ReplyDelete
I'm pretty sure most people come here because you have your own very unique style and voice. I would say most blogs don't have this quality which is why there are a ton of boring unnecessary blogs out there.
I might be forever associated in everyone's mind with showing areolas now...Delete
And during Spring Break week, too!
I might even turn up in one of those videos. You know, "Girls Gone Modestly and Tastefully Wild"?
Well, with the areola picture and three and a quarter years behind you you've officially peaked. I look forward to your downhill fall into obscurity. If you haven't already, you should consider hiring a wacky sidekick. Or maybe killing off a character for shock value. How's your tarantula doing? It's not been stricken down by... INCURABLE SPIDER CANCER, HAS IT?ReplyDelete
Also, fun fact: nipple top is not just a lame term used to describe the upper quadrant of the areola, it's also a very mediocre beer that was shipped to me as part of an equally lame "beer of the month club."
You win Comment of the Week for coming to the table with a PHOTO of Nippletop beer.Delete
However, you forfeit the award because your same comment suggests we add a character, blowing the surprise of our adding Poochie the rockin' dog as a character next week.
That photo is much more appealing than the penises (penii?) you promised several posts past. I took notice of how you titled that photo as well .... and as a result, may I ask .... where was your left hand?ReplyDelete
Inquiring Mind ...
I wrote a post blog called "She Bop" a while back, and although it seems unlikely that the picture had been taken that long ago, I am going with the explanation that I had intended it for that post. Which way does time go?Delete
I remember the post; but not the photo .... Again, much better than any old phalluseses.(phallii?)Delete
Yeah... It wasn't actually in that post. It wasn't even taken yet.Delete
This post is sort of my areola's big coming out party.
That should be obvious, as I don't think I've ever used the word so much in my whole life up until now. In fact, I might go with the Newsbusters term and just start saying "nipple top," especially now that I know it's also a beer.
It would be weird if my first comment on your blog, was on one about your areola… yup… weird...ReplyDelete
Uhm, so this seems like a nice neighborhood. Are there some good bars near here? OK, I gotta go.
(Dammit. Awkward! You're always so awkward. What is wrong with you? Stupid, stupid. And that's why we don't have any friends.)
I considered making this the first comment EVER that I do not respond to.Delete
Just to make you, you know, feel awkward.
But then I realized that since you're new here, you wouldn't know that I ALWAYS respond to comments.
(There's NEVER a non-awkward blog post around here. What's the antonym for "awkward," anyway? "Smooth"? "Graceful," maybe?
Not so much.
Three and a half years is about as long as I have blogged. And my topics are not nearly as varied as yours, though my latest is the ghost of Mark Twain muttering about 50 Shades of Grey.. May you enjoy each new day blogging. I wandered over from Hill Blocks View.ReplyDelete
Hi, Roland! You post a lot more than I do. Normally, I just post once a week, and I'm proud of being able to keep to such a grueling schedule. I mean, 700 words a week!Delete
Mark Twain on 50 Shades sounds great. I haven't read 50 Shades, but I assume there's something the rest of us just aren't GETTING about it - like maybe it's a James Joyce "Finnegans Wake," thing, where if you read it out loud, you realize it is just homophones of a Latin language treatise on Irish politics or something.
After spending over 3 years in a (I reckon a North Kansas Gulag is close enough for a government description) place I wouldn't wish on anyone but Ted Cruz, fighting on a daily basis to stay sane, and most times accomlising it with the help of very real dreams. Most people would say "good on you" not knowing the nature of my dreams. They weren't dreams of Rambo and the Predators teaming up with those bitches from Hell, the Aliens led by Segorney Weaver and her Sidekick, the MMFIC, AKA, Katy, kickng ass and taking names. No!Delete
Who it really was in my dreams was Katy'd dopleganger, little Kathy, the sweetest and most beautifuI Puff what ever come than that Pike, who tickled those commie North Kansians till they swore they wouldn't build no mo tomic bombs, leastways wouldn't iffen they were likely to get caught. It was katy's doupleganger and real heart of the team, the most beautiful Puff who ever came down the Pike.
Being as I've been disappeared at times for years, I have constant dreams of our heroine, be she Katy, little Kathy, Puff or "Smile when you say that" we worship her, the original diciples in past blog lives. Katy, Kathy, Puff, Susie Q or Linwood, she is always in our hearts and especially our dreasms, no matter the weather. We being her original diciples in past blog livs. I knew my punishment had'nt ended. I guess there ain't much going for a feller who kills commies for Christ.
I crawled on my hand and knees, and when there was no water I drank sand, but I'm alive. I am a bit astomished I'll admit. It never occured to me to wonder what half your right areola looked like at, I'll guess, less than ten years old. Has the world changed that much since last I talked to you? But then could I have ever imagined I'd be bored. I have missed you. Frank T
I had a cat named Grady who would bath with me he was cool.ReplyDelete
I never thought to take a pic of us with me displaying a hint of areola though.
I'll keep trying o be ascoolasyou Lady Kate
Here's to another glorious 62 years!
You're just a damn prude, way too uptight to show off some nipple top.Delete
That's the difference between you and me.
Actually, my official position is that is ONLY difference between you and me, at least until I have some evidence to the contrary.
After spending over 3 years in a (I reckon a North Kansas Gulag is close enough for a government description) place I wouldn't wish on anyone but Ted Cruz, fighting on a daily basis to stay sane, and most times accomplishing it with the help of very real dreams. Most people would say "good on you" not knowing the nature of my dreams. They weren't dreams of Rambo and the Predators teaming up with those bitches from Hell, the Aliens led by Sigourney Weaver. After spending over 3 years in a (I reckon a North Kansas Gulag is close enough for a government description) place I wouldn't wish on anyone but Ted Cruz, fighting on a daily basis to stay sane, and most times accomplishing it with the help of very real dreams. Most people would say "good on you" not knowing the nature of my dreams. They weren't dreams of Rambo and the Predators teaming up with those bitches from Hell, the Aliens led by Sigourney Weaver and her Sidekick, the MMFIC, AKA,Katy,It was little Kathy, Katies doppelganger who saved me and who tickled those commie North Kansan into stop building those 'tomic bombs, lessen little Kathy couldn't see themReplyDelete
Being as I've been disappeared at times for years, I have constant dreams of our heroine, be she Katy, little Kathy, or "Smile when you say that" we worship her, the original disciples in past blog lives. Katy, Kathy, Susie Q, Linwood,or smile when you say that. Katy is always in our hearts and especially our dreams, no matter the weather. We being her original disciples in past blog lives. I knew my punishment had'had not ended, as soon as I read Katy today. I guess there ain't much going for a feller who kills commies for Christ.
I crawled on my hand and knees, and when there was no water I drank sand, but I'm alive. I am a bit astonished I'll admit. It never ocured to me to wonder what half your right areola looked like at, I'll guess, less than ten years old. Has the world changed that much since last I talked to you? But then could I have ever imagined I'd be bored. I Have missed you! Frank T
Seeing you here makes me want to quote Neil Young's "The Days That Used to Be" in its entirety.
I probably won't, though, except to say, "There's very few of us left, my friend, from the days that used to be."
Almost nobody, actually, because you and I go WAY back to like 2006 or 2007, don't we?
Appropriately enough, I am drinking early tonight, which is something I sued to do back in the old days but don't do much anymore. Actually, I need to sober up enough to go get more booze tonight.
It's going to be a long evening, spent here alone reading these comment, but yours have given me plenty to keep me busy. The number of pop culture references in there is breathtaking...
You should come around here more.
I've forgotten how to spell, count, write and proof after all these years. Early OldTimers I reckon,ReplyDelete
I think it' is typing on computers. That's my theory anyway.Delete
I make spelling and grammar mistakes now that I would have insulted people for making in the past, and I think i am too young for Alzheimer's.
There is a remote chance I might be burning out important brain cells, I guess. I seem to be trying dam hard to, anyway...
Ok, I don't know which category I fall into? Because I got bored with the blog and I deleted that and started a new one and planning to something which no one shall be interested about.ReplyDelete
But I am like some serial dater who hits up blog after every break up and leaves comments.
in reality, I just lurk around when my ipad or my system doesn't allow me to add comments and stalk all my blogs.
You don't fall into any of those three categories, although those are the three category of bloggers that seem to have become most disillusioned with me over the past 3.25 years. Well, I mean, some music bloggers have, too, but I couldn't work in a joke about Obama's balls into that one, so I left that out.Delete
I miss reading your stuff, and until you posted this comment, I wasn't even sure where to go find your current writing. Now I am, though, so the day hasn't been a complete loss!
It was 2006 or a little earlier. I had that (I thought it was cool) picture of me in the shades taken in Chicago. It was taken by a pro trying to sell albums of your photos in a high dollar Mall, not strictly (mostly) for you, so I would have a real time photo of me that didn't look like a drivers license mug shot. I needed a (at the time) real life likeness to post and not scare off the girls. I had been following you for a while it seems like, but I came back from Chicago in May 2006.ReplyDelete
I think I've disappeared on you at least twice, no I wasn't in a commie jail or any other kind of jail, but life turned weird. To my knowledge my old lady never read anything you ever wrote, but she was jealous just the same. I was flattered so I just never said anything. She'd have never believed the truth but she'd have taken tall tales literally. People's concept of the truth rarely has anything to do with the truth. You think maybe that inviting the Princess and Hollywood over here could have influenced her imagination? Nah! couldn't have.
It did make me feel important that you remembered me positively. I always thought you were one of a kind, in a very special good way. I won't get lost again, OK! Remember to ask me how the next few days turn out. Additional weirdness.
I had a year without weirdness once. I don't remember a thing about it now. Apparently, it wasn't worth living. Bring on the weirdness.Delete
By the way, having a drink or four is fine. I've had more than that and my typing is much better. FrankReplyDelete
I have really cut down on my drinking since the old days, Frank. It turned out that i cause myself some problems when I'm inebriated for days and days on end.Delete
We fling cooked pasta on the walls all the time. Well, I do, anyway. My lovely (and dangerous) wife frowns on deliberate littering around the walls. I don't know what you could do to make your blobber any more interesting than it already is, 'cause it's always a trip coming over here to see what's happened.ReplyDelete
But, if nip slips and sideboob shots are in the offing, you should see a definite uptick in viewership. From both genders, I would imagine. We're equal opportunity pervs, all of us.
I can safely say that although there will likely be nudity on this site in the future, little if any will be MY body.Delete
There might have to be increased doses of nudity in general, however, since I don't seem to have reached a point where I've offended anyone yet. The people who stop by here are just really pervy.
Listen, if you're willing to post more of those Uma Thurman-esque poses I can almost guarantee you a steady uptick in readership. The word will get around, and soon you'll be sought after by some Hollywood director looking for a stunt/sex double for the stars.Delete
Could be your chance to meet Katy Perry in the flesh, if you'll pardon the expression.
Katy and Katy, huh?Delete
I heard she kissed a girl and she liked it.
Aaaand I'm spent. I have to say that sexy areola and pussy pics are always going to stick in my books, no matter how gay you are. (I used to have a collection before the internet opened my world up.)ReplyDelete
Things are so much easier now. You can just tell your buddy, "If I die, delete my C-drive," instead of, "If I die, burn everything at the back of my closet."Delete